A Timeless Reality

Tumblr

2011-03-25T03:05:00.001-04:00

I have a tumblr now in case anyone cares. :) http://timelessreality.tumblr.com/

Let's Talk About Love...

2010-03-09T12:40:00.000-05:00

Other than a family member or close friend, I have never told a man that I love him. This world tries to tell us that if you can’t tell your boyfriend that you love him, then you have a fear of commitment. This may or may not be accurate (I don’t think it is), but I definitely know that for me, that is not the case. I believe that love is more powerful than a feeling of attraction or an act of physical intimacy. Love can be expressed as an emotion, but in itself it is not one.

Many sources say that there are 3 types of love in the New Testament. Since I’m not an expert (actually, I don’t know a single thing) about Greek, I’ll take these sources at their word. The 3 types are eros, philia, and agape.

Eros is what often comes to mind when one hears the word “love”. Eros is the emotional kind of love. The butterflies in the stomach. The urge to want a guy to hold you in his arms. The starry-eyed, gazing at a gorgeous guy who sits several seats from you in class. Eros is about the attraction, the romance, the Nicholas Sparks novels. Yes, I enjoy eros; I’m human. But if eros does not have the other types of love to back it up, it’s one of the worst things in the world. It’s like putting new carpet over a floor that is full of holes. Eros can never suffice on its own.

Philia is having the love of a brother (or sister, as the case may be). When it comes to people, especially guys, philia love comes naturally to me. I automatically treat guys my age and younger like they are my brothers. Without thinking about it, I try my best to take care of these guys. I can’t help it—acts of service is my love language! I don’t act like a mother hen because I think the guys are inadequate at taking care of themselves, I’m just trying to show that I care for them (in the philia kind of way). When guys get upset at me for trying to “mother them”, I do my best to back off. But it’s hard. I like to love on others and by inhibiting my love language, it takes away my ability to show my philia for them. When a guy asks me to stop trying to take care of him, he is basically asking me to stop loving him (again, I am only talking about the philia type) and it hurts me.

Agape is the type of love that is so deep that you would die for that person. Agape is 1 Corinthians 13. Agape is patient, agape is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Agape does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Agape never fails. Although philia and eros are pretty much pre-programmed into me, I struggle with agape. How do I have a love that runs so deep that I would keep on loving, even if that person just throws it back into my face? How do I have the kind of love that compels me to love someone, even when it hurts??

I recently read the book Thorn in My Heart by Liz Curtis Higgs. The first half of the book was full of eros love. It reads like a clean romance novel, and it was making me sick. I do not want to hear about the adorable little couple’s first kiss or about the feelings that course through the girl’s mind when she’s in her brawny man’s arms. I don’t have what she has and it just makes that fact so much more acute. I was actually getting angry at the author for writing about this stuff because it was making me desire what I could/should not have. I was ready to quit that book full of its selfish, shallow love, but I decided to give it another 50 pages. And I’m so glad that I did! Higgs used the eros love at the beginning so she could contrast agape love to it. At the end, the eros-driven characters learn how to love like the agape-driven character does. No, I take that back. They learn how to love as God loves the church. The ending of the book was amazing to me, and it showed how important it is to have agape love for a person before you get into a serious relationship with them.

I have been a Christian for over 10 years, but I still feel like I do not have a good grasp on agape love. I clearly see that God has that kind of love for me, and I try my best to love Him back. But as far as having agape love for other people, I feel utterly lost. What does agape love look like in real life? Buying a cup of coffee for a friend is easy for me, but that’s philia. Writing on someone’s Facebook wall just to say hi is a loving gesture, but that’s also philia. WHAT IS AGAPE?? Honestly, I have absolutely no clue.

I could say "I love you" to someone who makes my stomach flip when he smiles at me. Yes, in an ergos kind of way, that would be totally truthful. But love is so much more. True love is agape. And until I grasp that concept and am able to demonstrate in on a daily basis, I refuse to tell a man that I love him. It all boils down to this: how can I tell someone that I love them when I don’t even know what love is? I don’t know if my opinion is Biblical or if it even makes sense, but as of right now, that is my opinion on love.

I will continue to practice philia love and hope that agape love will develop along the way. But I know that there is only one person who is a perfect example of agape love and I will continue to seek Him to understand this whole confusing love concept. Ahh, life can be so complicated…

Your Love Never Fails

2010-02-26T21:37:00.000-05:00

Today was a rough day for about 500 different reasons, but my heart can't help but sing to the one who makes my joy complete. Here's one of the songs that is resonating in my head right now: Your Love Never Fails Enjoy!

Just For Awhile

2010-02-07T19:20:00.002-05:00

How can I be so unsure
When you and I define perfection?
Why am I looking for an ending
When the "we" is just beginning?
I feel like I'm falling
But is it love or the ground
That is rushing up to meet me?
You feel like the home
That I'm tired of missing.
I feel so safe when you're near,
But turmoil rules my heart
When I think of forever.
You're not the one for the aisle,
But baby will you please
Just be mine,
Just hold me for awhile?

Things I Want

2010-01-11T17:12:00.001-05:00

Yes, I'm aware that I've already posted today, but no worries, this isn't supposed to be a post that involves active reading. This will be a picture & caption post of things I would buy if I actually had money. Don't expect this post to be non-shallow, because it is completely and truly shallow, but hey, girls like shoes and jewelry and I'm no exception.

Did you know that the Converse website let's you design your own shoe? I didn't know until this morning, but as soon as I found out, of course I designed my own! Unfortunately, it won't let me post a picture of it, so I'll try my best to describe them. They're low-rise Chucks. The body is maroon and the tongue is the paisley heart pattern (sounds gross but I like it). The stiching is "flame" orange and where you can get your name written on them, I put "mine". Yeah, so they're kinda crazy but most of my shoes are boring, so I want some crazy ones!

This is a ring from Fossil that I love! The antiqued pewter look is awesome, and it also has a little bedazzlement in the center of the flower on the right. You can wear all three together, or you can wear them separately. Here's the link. (I'm a size 8 *hint hint*)

These are the Haute Rocker II boots from Naughty Monkey. Not crazy about the toe, but overall, I love!

This is the Tiery-eyed dress from Shabby Apple. All of their dresses are really chic and sleek, but I think they would all look wayyy better on someone who's tall, rather than on me. So Shabby Apple, if you're reading this (doubtful), make some dresses with short girls in mind!

I pretty much adore ALL Fossil watches, but this one is my favorite at the moment. *sigh* I want it...

These Carhartt bibs are actually something I'm going to buy because I need them since it's soooo cold outside and farmwork is kinda miserable without them, but I thought I would put them on the list anyways. :)

So this SMI Super PoleCat snow maker is the most impractical thing on my list, but hey, a girl can dream right? It must be expensive, because they don't list the price...

These Oakley polarized Encounter sunglasses are, of course, high-quality and they're also the shape, size, and color I like.

This Yamaha grand piano is something that is impractical right now, but my future house has a room specificially built for a shiny ebony grand. Gorgeous, simply gorgeous.

Lastly, I want this Hurley Windchester peacoat. My thick black fleece coat has seemed to disappear, so that leaves me with my Carhartt and my bright aqua-blue snowboarding coat. Neither are exactly fashionable, hence, the need for a new coat.

Boys Aren't the Topic of the Day

2010-01-11T12:11:00.004-05:00

Like my title says, this blog post is not about the dating/relationship topic. Actually, I want to write about WHY boys are no longer my constant worry.

The whole point of choosing to not date right now was to reduce the time and worry that I spent thinking about guys (you know what I'm talking about, the whole "does-he-like-me-and-if-so-how-much" thing). The few days after I made that decision were pretty tumultous because of thoughts like "wait how do I interact with guys now that dating is out of the picture?" and other insignificant, albeit important to me, worries.

But now, although I do still think about guys from time to time, I feel a real peace about my decision and how it will affect my life. "Why is that?" you might be wondering. The answer might sound rather cliche, but it is so true... My peace comes from thinking about how much God loves me instead of dwelling on if a boy loves me.

These past couple of years, I have gotten really bad about doing daily devotions and journaling, but one of my goals for 2010 is to get back into it. So, on January 8 (yeah I know I was a week past the beginning of the year) I broke out my Bible, my new journal, and my copy of Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest and spent a long time meditating on how incredible my Lord is. It was a hands down great time!

(Somehow, my Bible, journal, and book all happen to be shades of maroon... I guess I subconciously really love that color.)

Anyways, by the time Saturday morning rolled around, I was bursting with stuff to talk about with my friend Lindsey, who I consider an older-sister figure in my life. After some yummy coffee cake, two mugs of coffee, and 3 1/2 hours of conversation, I left her house with a happy heart and a book to read--- The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. I began this fascinating book on Saturday evening and read steadily until I finished it at 3:00 on Sunday morning. Needless to say, as I sat in early service at church I was quite sleepy...

Basically, the point of this post is to show you that I have had a nice, peaceful couple of days and it is because I have gotten my attention re-focused on God, rather than on the guys in my life (or lack thereof). Tomorrow I'm moving back to Blacksburg for the beginning of another semester, so it will be a struggle to maintain my focus on Him during these upcoming crazy days, but I will (hopefully) succeed in this important endeavour!

A Work In Progress...

2010-01-06T14:16:00.002-05:00

Oy vey. I still have not gotten any better at knowing how to interact with guys so they don't get the wrong idea, but I'm learning! Sunday when I was at Barnes & Noble I did manage to find a book that I absolutely devoured--- For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice. This book is written based on surveys and interviews with guys 15-20 years old.

Some of the stuff I knew, but a lot of it was stuff that I had never thought of before. Something that really stood out to me is that girls are based on wanting to be loved and will allow themselves to be disrespected as long they get love, whereas, boys want to be respected even if that means they'll be alone and unloved. In general, I agree with this premise, although I think I fall somewhere in the middle. Yes, I like to be loved. But if it comes down to making tough choices, I'll do the right thing, even if it means I'll be hated for it. God has wired me in such a way that I don't care that much what others think about me. Sometimes this can make me kind of callous, but I like to believe that I also manage to be sensitive to others' feelings, but maybe that's just wishful thinking...

Anyways, while I'm in this single stage of life, I want to get better at being a good friend, both to girls and guys. I have a good mix of guy friends and girl friends, which means I need to learn how to speak both "guy language" and "girl language". While I do have my fair share of problems with speaking girl language (remember, sometimes I can be callous and insensitive), right now, my main problem is this gosh-durn-guy language. There's a reason that most of my guy friends are in relationships. If a guy already has a girlfriend, then it makes being friends, and ONLY FRIENDS, much simpler. We can talk about sports, cars, or whatever and there is no emotional drama crap involved. But on the other hand, if a guy friend is single, at some point in our friendship I have to make my intentions clear--- ONLY FRIENDS.

Right now, I'm really working on how to understand how guys interpret the things I say or do, and it's really confusing!!! Like I mentioned before, guys speak the language of respect, and that's something I'm learning to understand. I'll write more about that some other day. Until I understand how this whole stupid guy-girl dynamics work, I'll try to keep my mouth shut so I stop putting my foot into it! TTFN as Tigger would say...

Not so easy...

2010-01-04T16:14:00.013-05:00

It has been 3 days since I wrote that I am choosing to be single (for the time being). By making this decision, I have relieved a lot of worries about "oh does that guy like me" type of things. At the same time, however, it has opened up new worries about "well if I text so-and-so will he get the wrong impression" type of stuff.

I've been seeking out resources to answer some of my questions about how I should relate to guys and this is where my frustration began. Yesterday I was at Barnes & Noble in the "Christian Inspiration" section looking at the books. There were a ton of books for married men & women and I finally found a shelf where the books written for singles were. The first book was about how to go about finding a mate. The second was about how to attract a godly guy. The third was about how to handle dating. Every book on the single shelf was about how to become un-single!

I realize that the vast majority of Christians will get married. I believe that even though God has wired me in such a way that I can survive without a guy, He is not calling me to be single forever.

But for right now, I am single and I am not looking for crying out loud!!!

WHY do people in this world believe that you HAVE to have a boyfriend?? Well, for people who inundate themselves in secular music and movies, it's easy to understand how that belief seeps in to our minds and takes root. From a 15-yr-old boy singing "I can fix up your broken heart, I can give you a brand new start, I can make you believe,
I just wanna set one girl free to fall in love with me" to the Twilight movies that show a girl throwing away everything (friends, family, etc) for a boy, Hollywood is telling us over and over and over again that we NEED to have a special someone.

But what I don't understand is how the Christian community still believes that I NEED someone!! Ok, so many Christian books tell teenage girls that they don't NEED a boyfriend, that they are special and wonderful, and that God loves them, so it's all good. But practically, there is NOTHING behind these words to back it up. You can pick up that same book for teenage girls and read the chapter on how girls don't NEED a boyfriend, then flip to the next chapter and read about how to be attractive to Christian guys and find a guy to date. It's nothing but contradictions and I hate it!

I KNOW that I don't need a boyfriend. Now where are the books and the blogs and the advice to help me in my quest to be single and happy??? *sigh*

I will continue looking for advice and resources and keep you posted...

Single By Choice (So Stop Pitying Me!)

2010-01-01T17:06:00.005-05:00

It is said that women are fickle creatures and, being of the female persuasion, I totally agree. My emotions can change quite quickly and dramatically, but what really scares me is how I so rapidly change my mind about guys.

One second I’m in love with some hot British actor and googling him left and right. The next second, I see a picture of another actor and start to google him instead.

One day, I meet a guy who I know is trouble, yet I want him to notice me and ask me out anyways. The next day, I think the guy is a shallow creep (which he was all along, but I just didn’t pay it any mind at first).

One week, I’ll be head over heels in love with a guy and want to marry him. The next week, I just want to be friends.

Arghhhhhh! It’s frustrating. It’s silly. It’s shallow, superficial, and ignorant.

It is exactly what this world encourages.

The raunchy magazines I see on the racks in the check-out line, the celeb stories I see splashed across the headlines, and the “dating advice” I hear on talk shows all tell me that I should “love ‘em and leave ‘em”. Get what I can out of a guy then quickly move on before I can get hurt.

The problem with that philosophy is that it is not painless. It hurts. A lot.

I have barely ventured into the world of dating (because I see how crappy it turns out for most people) and I have already been hurt.

Since my last post, I have seriously been seeking out how I should go about the whole dating thing. I have sought advice from friends, from books, and from God, and I have made up my mind.

DATING IS NOT FOR ME.

Now, this doesn’t mean I would refuse to go grab coffee or lunch with a guy. It just means that I absolutely refuse to get caught up in that cycle that so many girls my age think is essential to their happiness. I refuse to give away my heart, just so I can say that I have a man who loves me. I refuse to use some poor unsuspecting guy to make me feel loved. I refuse to be part of a relationship if I can’t fully commit to it.

My lack of commitment is a big driving force behind the reason that I do not want to date. According to “my” plan, I am not getting married for 10 years. One of the main reasons for that is because I don’t want to be tied down or held back. I want to live my life full of adventure before I get trapped into something I can’t get out of till the dude kicks the bucket. (Just for the record, I don’t think marriage is awful. I think it is a beautiful thing that I someday want to commit to, heart and soul. But I’m not ready for someday to get here today!)

When talking to a very wise godly friend of mine, she mentioned that when she was my age, she was in a relationship with a guy that ended up lasting 3 years. When I heard 3 YEARS, I had a mini-panic attack. Ohmygoshicannotgetstuckwithsomeguyforthreefrickinyearsthatspracticallyforever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After I got over my little freak-out moment, I saw how eye-opening my emotional response can be at times. (See, I guess there’s a reason God made women so emotional after all!) I saw that I am in no way, shape, or form, ready to seriously commit to a relationship.

But at the same time, I refuse to lead a guy on if I’m not going to commit.

So the best solution that I see at this point is to “just be friends”. (As if that would stop my heart from racing when I see some pair of gorgeous blue eyes or a tan six-pack…) My heart is still just as fickle as always, but I’m determined to keep my emotions inside, or sometimes spew them to my blog, instead of lovin and leavin some guy depending on my emotional state of the day.

I am still in pursuit of the best way for a young God-seeking woman to react to the opposite sex. I’m currently re-reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Passion & Purity to see what gems I might have missed when I read these books a few years back. Consider this a warning that a lot of my future posts might be discussing the whole dating thing in further detail…

Until then, I will leave you with a reminder to guard your hearts and to always, first and foremost, love the Lord your God more than you love anything or anyone. (Don’t go thinking I have this down no problemo, I’m reminding myself too!!)

To date or not to date, that is the question...

2009-12-23T11:17:00.003-05:00

Writing is how I process what is going on in my head. Like my friend Lindsey said here, just because I write something down, that does not in anyway mean that my opinion on the subject is set in stone. When I begin a blog, I never really know where it will go. With that being said, I have no clue where I'm going with this post, but that is exactly why I'm writing it. I'm trying to figure this out, and hopefully writing it down will help!

There are some girls in this world who think they need a boyfriend. I am not one of those girls. I know that I am fully capable of surviving, and even thriving, while I am single. Yes, there are days where I have that wistful feeling that tries to push me into settling for just any guy. But I refuse to settle. I'm not going to date a jerk, just so I can enjoy the benefits of having someone to make me feel special. I'm not that shallow.

Up to this point, deciding whether to date or to be single has been fairly simple. All of the guys I know are either jerks or just not what I'm looking for. But the Lord always likes to shake up "my" plans.

The other week, I met a guy. He is not a jerk. And he is exactly what I'm looking for. Problem: I wasn't expecting to meet a guy like him anytime soon, so I have no idea what to do now!!!

From the little I know of him, I like him and he seems to like me. Thankfully, I won't see him until I go back to Blacksburg in a few weeks, so these few weeks give me some time to figure stuff out. If he asks me out (that's a big IF), what should I say??

I've been reading Christian blogs and various verses all morning, and this is the general consensus. Seek the Lord, wait patiently, and one day He will bring THE ONE into your life.

Great, thanks. I AM seeking the Lord. I know that as long as I have Him, I can be single for the rest of my life and still be perfectly content. Since I'm content with my future, no matter what happens, I am in no rush to find a guy, thus, I AM waiting patiently. (This sounds really vain saying, "oh I'm content, I'm patient, blah blah", but I'm trying to be honest...)

So how do I know when the waiting stops? How do I know if I'm supposed to date a guy or if I'm supposed to just keep on waiting? *sigh* I know that it will work out in the end, it always does. But I'm a practical person, and that practicality is screaming "WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?"

Lord, please help me to be a Mary, not a Martha. Please help me to accept the total peace you offer to me. And when the time comes for action (or non-action), please show me what to do.

Come Home

2009-12-16T23:21:00.003-05:00

This afternoon I had my last final exam of the fall semester. I quickly finished packing my car and hit the road. In a little over an hour, I was home.

I got home at 8pm to find that no one was home except for my mom, who had already gone to bed because she wasn't feeling well. By 8:20, I had said hi to my pets, noticed that the Christmas tree was crooked and missing my favorite ornaments, checked Facebook, and read all of that day's MLIAs. Twenty minutes after getting home, I was already bored. Great... I'm going to be here for a few weeks and I'm already bored!

By 8:45, I had made and consumed a plate of nachos. I had washed all the dirty dishes in the sink. I had played some Chris Rice on the piano. Still booooored.

Finally, my dad and sisters got home. My youngest sister, Jessica, turned on the tv. Watching tv to entertain me hadn't even crossed my mind since I so rarely watch it anymore. She, Monica, and I then had some sister bonding time by using Facebook pictures and posts to tell stories about what's been happening recently (I was pretty much the only one who told about my life, but whatever).

It's weird being out of the loop from being gone. Monica informed me that she had had her "new" jacket for a few months. Well it was new to me!!!

Since tomorrow is a school/work day for my family, I was soon alone again as everyone else scattered to their respective parts of the house. I laid on the couch watching the weather. Yes, the weather on tv! Normally I just do the normal 21st Century thing and google the forecast, so I felt very old school.

After awhile, my older brother Loren got home from work. After catching me up on (aka complaining about) how his classes were going, he quickly remembered his newest gadget. Turns out this one was pretty cool... one of those massager things whoo! I quickly volunteered to be his guinea pig, and like any awesome brother, he gave me a 10 minute back massage. Ahhh simply amazing!

After complaining about the "dumb" books he has to read for his English class, my brother pulled out the book that he's "reading for fun". It was "Of Arms and Men: A History of War, Weapons, and Aggression". Only my brother would consider that fun reading haha. After then discussing cars and legos (and then his favorite websites that talk about cars and legos), he decided to google sheep shearing since I'm an animal science major. Yeah. We youtubed the guy who's the world's fastest sheep shearer. Beat that for fun! (*sarcasm*)

Ok. So the fact that I just wrote down everything I did this evening proves how bored I am!! Realizing that I have no homework due, no tests to study for, no need to set an alarm clock, and nothing in particular to do for the next few weeks is weird. Over the past few months, Virginia Tech has become my home, and my friends there have become my family. Now, I'm at my real home with my real family. It's odd. It's like having two different lives. But it's not the having of two different lives that's difficult. It's the occasional moments, like right now, where those two lives cross paths.

It makes me wonder if coming back home will always be this way from now on. Will it always be a place that can be like a warm, comfortable blanket, but at the same time worn-out and scratchy? Will it always be the place that I always want to be when I'm far away, yet when I'm here, I wish I was somewhere more exciting? Was this past summer the last time in my life that this green bedroom and arched windows will truly be my home? Has this house changed from being the place I refer to as "my home" to the place I describe to people as "my childhood home"??

Ah sometimes growing up is tough. They (whoever "they" are) say home is where the heart is. Although sometimes my heart is sitting on top of this quilt that so perfectly matches these green walls, oftentimes my heart wants to be with the people I love. Other times, my heart just wants to be in the middle of an open field, gazing at the gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains that surround my quaint little country town.

Over the next few days, I will adjust to the fact that I am now living this life, not my Virginia Tech life. In a few days, I will have become just as attached to this place as I used to be. When it comes time to pack and go back to school, I will get really quiet and just want to go sit in my green room and never leave.

But I will leave. I will go back to school. I will see my friends and be glad I'm back. I will adjust to my new classes. Then, once I am in the middle of the busy bustle of that life, I will realize I miss moments like I am experencing right now here in this life. I will miss my horse. I will miss my family. I will miss my open field. I will miss being able to tilt my head back at night and see thousands upon thousands of miniscule diamonds spread upon a silky blue-black backdrop. At that moment, the beautiful lines that OneRepublic sings will begin to scroll through my head. "Come home, come home, cause I've been waiting for you..."

No matter where I go, no matter what I do, this brick house will always be home. Sure, someday I'm sure I'll live in a house longer than the 10 years that I have lived in this one, and I'm sure that I will fall in love with a house the way that I have loved this one, but this one will always hold a special place in my heart. That piece of my heart will always call this place home.

No longer a pledge!!!

2009-12-02T20:41:00.002-05:00

Whoo I am now officially a member of the Block and Bridle club at Virginia Tech!!! (Block and Bridle is the main animal science club here.) Yeah, sure being a member is cool, but I'm mostly just excited the pledging process is over!!! It was pretty intense (but fun!) at times.

I now have my "B" sitting on my bedpost and not it my backpack where I always had it on hand. I'm sooo glad that I can now stop obsessing about those 2 stinkin pieces of wood and the empty lines waiting for signatures!

Now I can start focusing on the impending finals blah...

I should be a lawyer...

2009-12-01T21:40:00.001-05:00

Everyone at Virginia Tech gets parking tickets. EVERYONE. I knew this coming here, so I was very conscientious about reading signs before I parked anywhere on campus. I was not going to be one of the "everyone" who gets a ticket. And yet, despite my best efforts, I got a ticket earlier on this semester. I mentioned it here: here.

After I paid my parking ticket, I turned in a written appeal, where I very clearly stated my case and how I did not deserve to get a ticket. A couple of weeks later, I got a letter in response. "We have taken your appeal into consideration and are sorry to inform you that it has been denied. If you would like to schedule a hearing to further appeal your case, please call this number..."

Well. Guess who appealed it further? Yes, that would me moi. It wasn't even about the money. I just wanted justice for crying out loud!!!

So the week before Thanksgiving break, I put on a professional suit, pulled my hair back into a severe bun, and grabbed my little black messenger bag wanna-be-briefcase and headed for a showdown.

Turns out, the people (who were sitting around a big imposing boardroom table eek!) were really nice and polite. I calmly and clearly stated my case (using an opening, 3 main points, and a conclusion like any good persuasive speaker would) in a couple of minutes. The parking service lady then informed me that there were indeed signs, I just didn't understand them correctly (being new to campus and all). Bummer, there went my case. They then complimented me on my politeness and preparedness, then escorted me out, saying that they would mail me their decision in a week.

Yesterday I checked my mailbox to find a letter from parking services. Not expecting much, I opened the letter to a pleasant surprise. They dismissed my parking ticket and are going to give me a full refund!!! YAY I WON!!!! It was my finest moment. (Not really, that just sounded fitting.) So yeah, maybe if I don't get into vet school, I should be a lawyer! :)

Hmm

2009-11-27T18:25:00.003-05:00

Just realized that pretty much every one of my posts is about the same stuff. I will try to remedy this in the not-to-distant future my writing about something unrelated to school/career!!!

A Good Reminder

2009-11-27T18:06:00.002-05:00

This semester has undoubtedly been a test of my confidence in my career choice. My classes have been really challenging and they have made me question whether this extensive education is really worth it. In the past, I have always easily known that it was worth it, because it's truly what I want to do. But this past month, I've felt like giving up. Eh do I really want to be a veterinarian after all??

This morning reminded me of WHY all this schooling is worth it. What I have learned in a classroom has never ever been my inspiration for being a veterinarian. The thing that makes me love veterinary medicine is the actual hands-on practicing of vet medicine.

I got up bright and early this morning (like I have every day this week... aren't I supposed to sleep in over break???) and went to take part in something I love-- a herd check at a dairy farm. Does getting up early to go watch someone stick their arm up a cow's butt sound like fun to anyone else besides me?? As if being a part of a herd check wasn't enough, I got to observe two minor surgeries whoo!! I am not sure why, but I get a huge rush from observing the insides of animals (especially if they're still alive). I love seeing the internal stuff that makes the animal function as it should. Blood doesn't faze me, nor does the smell of the gas hissing out of a cow's abomasum.

Today was a good reminder WHY I want to be a veterinarian. It's just a little thing, but it has shown me that the science related to an animal's well-being is what makes me happy. It excites me. It makes me want to jump out of bed every morning to go to work.

Sure, some days it will feel old and boring, but I've been pursuing veterinary medicine for years and I haven't gotten tired of it yet. I don't think it's time to give up on this dream of mine. Either I'm going to get into vet school, or I'm not. Until I get that letter that tells me if I made it or not, I'm going to keep trying. Some days I will get tired, frustrated, and sick of school, but that won't stop me. I will continue to "press on, press on, press on, press on, press on, press on, press on[...]" to quote a very wise man. :)

Lost, but moving forward

2009-11-09T16:49:00.002-05:00

A dry, brown leaf falls off of a tree branch and lands in a gently moving river. The leaf moves with the movement of the water-- sometimes going along gently, and other times, being swiftly pulled along. The leaf has no control over where it’s going. Occasionally, the little leaf gets sucked into an eddy. The leaf spins faster and faster, almost violently, out of control. It goes around and around, but ultimately, it goes nowhere.

I feel like this leaf. Lost. Spinning out of control in dizzying circles. Running as fast as I can, but getting nowhere.

Miss Smartypants Crystal, normally so sure of herself, is completely unsure.

I hate this. I feel helpless. I’ve been crying at the drop of a hat these last few days (which may or may not be my endocrine system’s fault…). What is the point of my life right now? That’s a good question… one which I wish I knew the answer to.

Pretty much all my future plans and dreams ride on me getting into vet school. I’ve always been practical and known that I might not get accepted. I’ve always considered what I will do if I don’t get in. But now that it’s only a year away from when my application is due, I’m doubting myself. I have a B (possibly C) in O Chem. How can I get into vet school with B’s?? Yeah some people get in with B’s. But I won’t. I know I won’t get into vet school.

Practically, I still have a good chance at getting in. So WHY am I doubting myself? Where is my confidence, my fighting spirit??

I don’t know what it is about fall semesters, but they just make me want to give up. Spring semesters, I always get straight A’s. Fall semesters, on the other hand, are huge challenges for me. Not just academically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I have no idea why, but it is a pattern I’ve noticed these last couple of years. (Maybe someone should do research on my pineal gland when I die and see if humans like increasing daylight better than decreasing daylight??? Hmm.)

Anyways. In these moments of weakness and challenges, that is when I turn to the one who is always there. Maybe one of the reasons that fall is so rough for me is because I tend to ignore God over summer break. I grow distant from Him, and about halfway through the fall semester I’m like “Crap! How am I in this place again??” So right now I’m trying to soak in as much God time as I can. There’s so many church services offered here, I’m seriously considering going to more than one. One church on Sunday morning, than another one in the evening. Oh and I have Cru small group on Tuesday and Cru on Thursday. Good good good, I must be a saint right?

Yeah right.

Listening to someone else talk about God is not enough. Singing songs full of love and adoration is not enough. I need that daily “me ‘n God” time. If I’m honest, I haven’t had a regular quiet time in a very long time. I need to be disciplined in this. Just now I went to amazon and searched for devotional guides. I need something. Something that will help me on a daily basis think about how incredibly amazing my loving Savior is. I need to focus on HIM and all the petty things that are freaking me out will fade away.

Yes, I am confused by why He’s letting me spin in these circles, but I aim to draw near to Him, because I know that He will anchor me, even when I’m caught in the center of a terrifying eddy.

He is my rock and my salvation, and I shall never be moved. Amen.

Worries

2009-10-19T17:20:00.002-04:00

I know that college is supposed to be a time where you figure out your life and that you are more free than you ever will be in your life and blah blah blah. This is the time for you to make the big decisions in your life. This is the point where you will stand at many crossroads and decide whether or not to take the "road less traveled" (Frost). Some days it's totally and completely awesome that what I do right now is so important, but most of the time, it sucks. A lot.

First off, I'm broke. Broker (I know that's not proper grammar) than I have ever been before. I have $4 in my checking account and $2 in my wallet. Ouch. Thank God my housing and schooling bills are taken care of for the rest of the semester (if I understand that University Bursar office correctly at least).

I do have a $30 parking ticket to pay sometime within the next 10 days though. And it was NOT MY FAULT!!!! I was parked in the same parking lot I always park in, but apparently the campus parking people who like to play God (ok so I'm a little bitter) changed the rules, and they didn't bother to inform anyone (even the ladies at the parking service office heard about it for the first time today). So the nice ladies at parking services gave me a form to fill out to appeal the ticket. That made me smile. But then the lady added, you have to pay the ticket before you can appeal it. Smile quickly turned to a look that read "ohcrapidon'thavethirtydollars!!!!!". So yeah, a quick text to my older bro, and he put a check in the mail for me. Yay for interest-free loans!

Second big problem, grades. Ugh. You know how frustrating it is to study study study study study your life away, then end up getting a big fat C?!? It's awful! And it's not like it's only happened once this semester. So far, it's been the rule, not the exception.

So the grade problem leads me to another problem: career choice. I KNOW what I want to do. I want to be a large-animal veterinarian for crying out loud! But... what if I don't get into vet school? What do I want to do then?? And the answer is, I don't know. And that scares me. A lot.

Lastly, the big thing I have to figure out right now is where I'm going to live next year. Next year as in, fall semester 2010. As in, 11 months from now. Ugh! How in the world am I supposed to figure that out NOW?? So much can change in 11 months. Greedy landlords are just trying to force me into a lease. *glare*

The point that I'm starting to realize from this is that even when I have nothing, I have everything. Everything that matters at least. And no, it's not money, a nice apartment, or a secure career. It's a peace, a joy, a love, that surpasses my understanding. Even when I have so many worries weighing me down, I really have nothing to worry about. So yeah, life sucks, but God is good. :)

Plans

2009-10-05T17:16:00.002-04:00

Pretty much anyone who knows me knows that I am a planner. I know what year I will graduate vet school, I know how many years I am going to spend in the army, I know the floor plan of my house, I know when I want to get a dog, and I know when I want to get married (11 years from now, in case anyone cares).

I am not one of those college kids who has no idea what they want to do with their life. I know exactly what I want to do with my life. And there's the problem. I know what I want to do with my life.

I do not know what God wants for my life. Sure, I have my plans, but so what? I will throw away all of my plans in a second if I feel God wants me to do something else. Honestly, I will feel such a relief to have a clear calling from God, I won't even feel bad about throwing away my plan. For years I've prayed "God, I do not know what You want with my life. And since I haven't heard you say any different, I will continue with my plan for now. But the second that you want it to change, let me know and I'll go your way!" It's like, all the things that I've been dreaming of for years, are just the basic boring plan. I don't want that. I want more.

Right now I'm thinking that maybe I should get involved with overseas veterinary missions. I would LOVE to go to South America and teach the people how to make a proper living from livestock. I would LOVE to ramble back and forth with the people in Spanish, or whatever dialect is their native tongue. I would LOVE to hug those smiling children with their dirty hair and their warm, chocolate eyes. Oh wait... there I go planning again. See, I would love to do that, but is that what I'm supposed to do???

I feel lost right now. I don't which way's up or down. I don't even know how to give advice to people anymore without it coming off as unloving. I don't feel like I'm doing anything useful with my life right now. There are soooo many things I could be doing for the Lord, even if I don't have a college degree. Heck, there's a girl in Africa who's 20 years old and is the mother to 14 orphan girls! I could do that, no degree required! (Read this amazing girl's story here).

So, yes, of course I've formed a plan to help me figure out what God's plan is for my life. This is what it looks like right now:
1) Contact the vet missions club at the vet school
2) Contact some of the vet missionaries down in South America and see if I could come for a month or so.
3) Talk to my youth pastor back home and ask him to keep his ears open for opportunities for me.
4) Most importantly, pray.

I know that what God wants to happen, is going to happen. There are a few verses that have been resonating in my heart and mind these past couple of days.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

So for now, I will work hard where I am. If He wants me to be a missionary vet I have to get into vet school first... So I'm off to go master this darn Organic Chemistry!!!

Life is good :)

2009-09-07T17:39:00.004-04:00

Life at college is not easy. Especially for a perfectionist want-straight-A's like I am. I'm finding that college is quite complicated (with all my classes, studying, meetings, and extracurriculars), yet at the same time, everything is so simple.

It's simple because I'm basically starting over. Meals are simple. I don't have ready access to a kitchen (which is a bummer sometimes), so I never HAVE to cook. I just stand in a line, tell them what I want, then hand them my hokie passport. Easy. Also, since all of my friendships are new and fresh, there's no deep talks or drama, which sometimes really sucks, but on the other hand, it makes life so much more simple. Even going to the grocery store is so much easier. Instead of living in the middle of nowhere (I really do miss living in the middle of nowhere though...), I now live smack-dab in the middle of everything! Very convenient!

The main thing that I find is so much more simple right now, is finding things to make me happy. Since most of my days are consumed with classes and studying, I have to find happiness in the little things.

For example, on Thursday, going to Cru and seeing all the other people on this campus who love God was VERY encouraging. The worship songs especially were awesome! I've had the songs "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan and "Beautiful" by Phil Wickham running through my head all weekend. So, not only did those songs make me happy at the time they were being played at Cru, but they have continued to bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart for the past 4 days. Bonus happiness; I love it!!!

Friday, I got to see people from home and from Roanoke, which easily made me happy.

Saturday, I watched my first sheep sale and my first official-I-am-now-a-Hokie VT football game (on tv), which made me happy.

Sunday, I got to play soccer with a bunch of good lookin guys. Enough said. :D

Today, I had to go to find a red shirt to be my soccer jersey. I figured Target would definitely have one, so I started there. After I scoured the store for a red athletic-ish shirt, I left in disappointment and headed to Wal-mart. Now, the thing that made my search more frustrating was the fact that I had only $20 for the next week or so (I have money in my bank account, but the ATM stole my check card...) and I had about 5 other items on my shopping list. As I searched Wal-mart, I texted all my frustration to my sister. As soon as I hit "send" I look up to see a red tank top. Excitedly, I grab it (it was my size yay!) and read the tag. It said "Clearance $1"!!!! Whoo! I quickly glanced at the wal-mart ceiling and said a quick thank-you. As I finished getting the things on my list, I couldn't stop smiling. After I checked out, I was smiling even bigger. Turns out I got the red shirt, new shinguards, a mini storage container ($1 item), deep conditioner, hair spray, and bobby pins ($1 item as well), all for a grand total of $13.75. My wallet, as well as myself, were quite happy.

As I walked from my car to my dorm just now, I couldn't stop smiling and whistling "How He Loves". I felt like people were staring at me as they walked past because I was just beaming. (This is weird, because normally when I'm walking, I apparently frown... I have had more than one passerby tell me to cheer up before... that always makes me feel like Scrooge or something!)

So yeah, I'm happy! :D

Cookies & Ice Cream

2009-09-01T23:40:00.003-04:00

So I haven't had any time to write since I've been here at Virginia Tech and I don't have time to really write right now, so this will be short.

Today I ate...

Cookies for breakfast. At 7am. While I stared at my laptop screen. (That can't be good for me-- nutritionally, mentally, etc.)

A chicken salad croissant, at noon, but all it's healthiness was negated by the fact that I downed it in 2 minutes flat, because I had hijacked a girl's table and had to move fast. (At lunch time EVERY table is full, no matter what dining hall or restaurant I'm at... it's quite ridiculous!)

Cookies for dinner. At 4pm. While I stared at my laptop screen.

Edy's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream for a 2nd dinner. At 11pm. Oh and I ate a whole pint... Now I KNOW that can't be good for ya!

Oh well. Normally I eat fairly healthy and as far as I know, the freshman (even though I'm a junior) 15 hasn't hit me (but then again, I don't have a scale so I have noooo idea how much I weigh). Anyway, my point is that junk food on occasion is not going to kill me!!! So the only time any of ya'll have the right to criticize my diet, is if I really do gain those 15. Then feel free to chase me around shouting insults so I'll have to exercise to burn those calories! (Ok maybe not insults... try to be tactful por favor!)

(Plus, my sisters made me the cookies back home, and they have to be some of the most AMAZING cookies I have EVER had. Something about home-made cookies when you're far from home makes them taste so much better!!!)

How complicated can a printer be?!?

2009-08-21T09:47:00.004-04:00

*Warning: This post contains a great deal of personification of inanimate objects. If you think that's weird, too bad.*

Last year I bought a Dell Inspiron 1525 and I love it! Along with the laptop, I bought a snazzy Dell printer, which I love not-so-much. Yes, it's a very nice printer and it does a great job. Well it does a great job when it's actually working...

You see, for some reason unbeknown to moi, they ("they" being the computer and printer) don't get along. They never have and I'm doubtful they ever will. I have no idea what their little feud is regarding, but they need to realize that their problems affect not only them, but the people around them (namely me). Really, how selfish can they be? Don't they notice that every time I need to print something, I have to transfer it to a flash drive and take it to another computer in the house?? How troublesome.

I must admit that on occasion they make a little peace treaty and actually cooperate. THAT is when I actually love my printer. Be aware though, that I've had this laptop/printer combination for almost a year, and they have worked together only one handful of times. That's pretty pitiful.

So as I thought about what to take with me to VT, I decided to leave the printer at home. I mean, it's not like it works, so why bother?

As soon as my dad realized that I was leaving the printer at home, he politely confiscated it (with my permission, but it's not like I could say no...) and hooked it up to his computer. Of course it works perfectly for him. Ugh not fair! I paid for it, it should be working for me. Traitor.

Anyways, yesterday I checked the Scholar (kinda like Blackboard) page for one of my classes and the syllabus made it quite clear that I would be printing handouts. Lots and lots and lots of handouts. So I get to thinking... hmm... do I really want to have to find a computer lab every time I need to print something? What about those mornings I wake up late and I've forgotten to print off these precious handouts for this 8am class? I sense that could cause unnecessary stress in my life.

Sooo... I've decided to take my printer with me and just find some technology diplomat (aka computer genius) to help the two warring parties resolve their differences. Sorry to disappoint your free-printer hopes, Daddy.

Yay problem solved... the only thing left to do this morning was to pick up a black cartridge to replace the empty one that is currently sitting in the printer. As I walked into Wal-mart, I called home to have Mom check what kind of cartridge it is. (I've never had to replace it before since it's only actually printed 5 times in the past year!!!) Mom can't find the little door to reveal what kind of cartridge it is, so she gets my brother to come look too. This goes on for a few minutes as I stand in the Wal-mart aisle laughing at the frustration I hear on the other end of the line. (This good looking guy gave me a weird look for laughing out loud...) My brother's saying "it's gotta be in the back... cuz it's not here on the front" and I'm thinking "uhh they would never put it on the back; that would be totally inconvenient". Finally I'm like "hey why don't you guys go get the printer manual and it will tell you". Then I listen as my mom proceeds to mumble the printer instructions in French as I'm thinking "if they have the instructions in French, they definitely have them in English too!".

Finally, I notice a little booklet attached to a shelf in the cartridge aisle. It lists all kinds of printers and the cartridges that they use. About the same time I find the cartridge I need, my brother announces he found the little door. It was on the front (who woulda thought?!?).

And that was the beginning of my search for my printer cartridge. Apparently Staples has a monopoly on this certain Dell cartridge, which I figured out by driving to all the other stores around. And Staples' prices are normally exorbitant, so I'm just going to order from Dell.

So yeah, printers and the cartridges that reside therein equal a major headache. And yeah, I probably got a little carried away with my laptop-and-printer-at-war analogy, but oh well, just go with it. :)

Details details details...

2009-08-17T13:07:00.002-04:00

Fifteen minutes ago I started my HUGE Wal-Mart "things to buy before I leave for school" list. It took me about 30 seconds to write down 13 items. Well that was easy.

Ten minutes ago, I started straightening my hair.

Eight minutes ago, I realized I forgot to add "contact lens solution" to my list, so I walked to where my list sat (grabbing a swig of my forgotten can of Amp along the way) and wrote down this 14th item. Then I remembered I needed toothpaste. Then notebook paper. A minute later, my short, easy list was twice as long.

Not a huge problem. I'm quite good at shopping as long as I have a list in front of me. The problem is that I'm not going to Wal-mart until tomorrow. Which means my list will have plenty of time to double, quadruple, and expand to the tenth power. Lovely.

Oooh. I just looked at my reflection in the computer screen and noticed I never got back to straightening my hair. Whoops.

Expectations and Disappointments

2009-08-12T11:30:00.005-04:00

I've always been a goal-oriented person. I've had my career picked out since I was 5. I've had the upcoming decade of my life planned out since I was 10. I've had my huge, gorgeous log-home designed since I was 12.

I think I'm kind of a paradox because I am a very realistic, down-to-earth kind of girl, yet I love to dream and scheme. This comes down to: I know what I want and I'm going to get it. No matter what.

To achieve my goals, I put a lot of pressure on myself. That's fine; I can handle the pressure and if I didn't push myself, I would never accomplish my goals.

But this leads to a problem. Because I expect so much of myself, I also expect a lot from others. I want to be the best that I can be, so I assume that everyone else wants to be the best that they can be. Apparently this is not the case for the average American teen.

I have seen so many of my peers mess their lives up, it's ridiculous. They don't realize that there is so much more to live for then the NOW. They never think about consequences. About the fallout of their actions. About what things will be like in the morning.

It's hard for me to be merciful to my friends and loved ones when they mess up. I mean seriously, why would you hang out with those people? Why would you ever drive after drinking? Why would you talk your friends into messing up their lives too? Why don't you ever think about the future?? About what you could be? About how you could change the world instead of living your life as a nobody loser???

As I sat here thinking about all this, a familiar song started playing on last.fm. It's a song by OneRepublic. The chorus says:

Lost till you're found
Swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love till you hate
Strong till you break
Know that we all fall down

Yes, we ALL fall down. Even me. People are not perfect. I am not perfect. We're only human. (Which makes me think of another song haha: Human by Jon McLaughlin...)

So please Lord... help my calm, rational self not get upset when people mess up. Help me to not get emotional. Help me to forgive in the same way You forgive. Amen.

Thoughts on VT Orientation...

2009-06-23T10:06:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I went to the orientation for transfer students at Virginia Tech. The students who were leading the orientation were very big on trying to get us fired up about being Hokies. They made sure we knew that a hokie was not just some old turkey, but that the true defintion of a hokie was a student ready to take their place representing Virginia Tech. Here are some of the thoughts that I scribbled down yesterday when I was waiting for my advisor to call my name (but trying not to act as if I was too eager haha).

"You have to flush the toilets manually??? Seriously?!?" That is what came to my mind upon my visit to a Squires bathroom. Apparently Virginia Western's tech-savvy facilities have spoiled me a tad bit. At Western, the bathrooms look like they belong in some upscale hotel, not a community college. Western will teach us "all we need to know to conquer the world"... except how to flush a toilet and turn on a faucet. Interesting.

Coming out of that same Squires bathroom stall, I ran into a girl I know from Western. I didn't even know she was going to VT too! It was amazing how many people I knew, even on a completely new campus! The smiles on familiar faces made the day a little less boring.

By far, the most exciting part of the day was getting my class schedule. I like most of my classes. The majority are introductory animal science classes, but I also have Organic Chemistry. That's the class that scares me-- O. Chem. I've heard over and over how killer hard this class is. A professor yesterday also mentioned that if I bomb (aka make anything below a B) O. Chem, my chances of getting into vet school are pretty much extinct. Great... no pressure, right??

Other than organic chemistry, I'm very excited about sitting in a desk learning about cows' digestive tracts all day. That sounds like fun to me! (Yeah I'm weird!) I'm totally stoked to actually be doing something related to my major for once. This is the reason I sat through English and Economics. This is the reason I am at Virginia Tech. This is my campus, my school, my home away from home.

What's a hokie? I am.

Relaxing

2009-06-17T00:08:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in 6 months. And I've been meaning to get back to this poor blog, really i have, but it hasn't happened lately. But now I have a moment to sit here and type, so we'll type a blog post, ok?

I thought my life would be so calm and stress-free once the semester ended, but I was wrong. Very wrong. Working full-time, taking 2 summer classes, and trying to enjoy the summer like a normal teenager has turned out to be quite difficult. When that alarm clock goes off after having relatively little sleep for the 6th day in a row, it sucks. Majorly.

But you know what? This is the kind of hectic craziness that I thrive on. I hate when life's easy, so I make it more difficult, just to make it more of an adventure. Why come home and watch tv when you could go outside and weed a whole horse pasture? That way I become even more physically exhausted so work is even more of an adventure the next day. Then I come in from weeding... Ohhh it's 1am and my room's filthy. Let's clean it, even though I have to get up in just a few hours.

Yeah... ok, I think I've become a bit of a workaholic, but oh well. I'm young and spry, I can handle it.

Tonight. I did nothing. I sat on the couch and watched a movie with my sister. And now I sit here typing. Not typing an essay for some application... typing a blog post. Wow.

Tonight. I was in my most comfortable pajamas before 9 o clock. I sat in the dark living room with just one lamp on and played my piano, who has been awfully lonely lately. (The moment didn't last long, as my parents quickly told me I was playing too loudly. Way to kill my special enthusiastic joyful moment. Sheesh!)

At this moment. I have no desire to go do work of any kind. Tomorrow is Wednesday. I am not scheduled to work. And I am not covering someone else's shift. I am taking an honest to goodness day off and I plan to enjoy it! My morning alarms (yes, plural) will not be set at 5am. They will not be set at 7am. They will not even be set at 9am. My alarms will not be set at all and I am very excited!!!

Good night world. Wait... I don't have to go to bed yet! I can stay up as late as I want since I can sleep in tomorrow! Muahaha. :)

A Christmas Poem

2008-12-24T09:59:00.003-05:00

Christmas in a Recession

His credit card can take no more abuse,
He’s deep in debt from its overuse.
The bill collectors are breathing down his neck,
All he’s praying for is a miracle check.

He does what he has to do to survive.
Some mornings he’s surprised to find he’s alive.
He walks to the store to save the gas,
The cars spray winter sludge as they whiz past.

As he walks through the door
There’s sadness on his face.
He didn’t use to be poor,
He used to enjoy the ornaments all over the place.

He strides towards the bikes
And finds the one his son likes.
For his daughters he gets coats,
He knows what they want because they both left him notes.

He gets his wife a watch to wear at her cuff,
Wishing he could get her more.
He knows nothing would ever be enough,
Not even the whole store.

He pulls out his calculator
As he rides down the escalator.
He hopes the numbers are merciful to him
He wishes he had the jolly spirit of Tiny Tim.

He carefully counts out each precious cent
As the cashier casually grabs all the money he spent.
He drops his last two dollars into the fundraising jar
Instead of using the money to stop by the bar.

Christmas morning arrives too fast,
The man knows it won’t be like years past.
There aren’t as many presents under the tree,
Yet the kids are still just as full of holiday glee.

He knows the value of Christmas day
Doesn’t depend on the value of a buck.
It’s about the baby who brought the light ray,
Not about good fortune or luck.

The day is still sacred
Whether well-clothed or naked.
It’s about one man’s holy sacrifice,
Not about the tv ad’s lies.

The man looks at his wife and sees love in her eye,
That look alone almost makes him cry.
He doesn’t need a lot of money or stuff,
He has joy and that’s more than enough.

My dog Reece

2008-12-19T15:49:00.003-05:00

I'm not one of those people who wants to bring home every poor little animal I see. I've never asked my parents for an animal to be just MINE before (except for my horse, but I bought her so that was different). But this is different.

Every aspiring vet needs their own dog. I've always dreamed of becoming a vet and living in a big empty house with just my dog for company. You know, I never expected to find my dog before I actually make it into vet school, but I did. I found my dog. The kind of dog I want to have around for 15+ years.

He is a very good-looking dog. Tall, dark, and handsome. He's black and tan, looks like a Reese cup, and thus his name is Reece. He's a doberman, lab, german shepherd mix so he has a really well-rounded personality. Reece is a superb watchdog, loves to play, and is so sweet and well-behaved.

I get to see Reece a few times a week because he's up for adoption at the animal hospital I work at. I didn't get the whole story, but for some reason his old owners had to give him up. He has now been living at the hospital for nearly 2 months, and he still doesn't have a home. Over Thanksgiving break, I brought Reece home and he fit in so well here! He slept on the floor next to my bed and would stick his face in mine several times throughout the night to check on me. Once he noticed I was still breathing, he would promptly lay back down and go to sleep. We have this game where I jump around and shuffle my feet and he grabs my shoes with his mouth and doesnt let go until I tell him to. It's simply heart-warming. :D

Ok so what's the problem? My parents! They don't want another dog. So my sister, co-workers, and I have all been working on them for a month now, and I think we're slowly convincing them. I just don't see why we can't have another dog. We have a home. Reece needs a home. It's as simple as that! Reece is on the top of my Christmas list, as well as my sisters' lists. So fingers crossed that I get my dog for Christmas! Even if I never get to adopt him, he'll always be my dog. :)

Yellow-white-yellow, White-yellow-white, or Yellow-white-white?

2008-11-24T22:36:00.007-05:00

Everyday I drive on this certain highway to get to school. There are 2 northbound lanes and 2 southbound lanes, divided by a grassy median. For the past few weeks, the paving company has been in the process of re-paving some of it. Needless to say, morning traffic+paving=pain-in-the-derriere. Anywho, last week they painted the stripes on. Of course, those gorgeous little diatoms make the new paint stand out like a neon sign, so I noticed them. Now, what the heck is there to notice about road stripes? This leads to the blogs title.

As I was driving along with the new stripes screaming at me, I started to laugh. The painter truck had messed up the lines!!! The line along the median was yellow, the stripes between the lanes were white, and the line along the "shoulder" (we don't have actual shoulders here) was white as well! Now, think about that... that is some more-than-slightly skewed symmetry. And skewed symmetry really bothers me. So I keep driving as I smile and shake my head...

Then *climax* I hit the old pavement. Guess what? The lines there are yellow-white-white as well!!! What the heck??? What kind of sense does that make?!? Now I can't drive without being distracted by the dis-symmetry! So if anyone has a logical explanation, please share!! :)

This is a picture I found of a Virginia highway.

It's not the same one I was referring to,

but it still has those darn yellow-white-white lines!

The good, the bad... Election week.

2008-11-07T23:10:00.007-05:00

Some bummer things have happened to me this week, but despite these things, I've had a great week! I don't really know how to put this week into a pretty sounding, nice flowing blog post, so I'm just going to write.

The Election Bad...

Anyone who knows me semi-well knows that I am a conservative (although the people in my Lit class think I'm a left-wing nutjob who encourages suicide... yeah...it's a long story). Because of this, I wasn't terribly excited about how things went Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. Yet, I wasn't upset like many people were. I decided weeks ago not to worry about the election. I knew that it was all under control and everything was going to work out how it was supposed to.

At Rhythm last night, Craig was talking about how he was embarrassed by his fellow Christians this past week. I agree with him wholeheartedly. It doesn't matter who is in office, Christians have been commanded to love and respect them. Sending ugly texts and emails containing mean jokes and racial slurs is NOT loving or respectful. It's terrible. I have to admit, I laughed at one of the jokes, and I feel horrible about that. But as far as I can recall, when discussing the elections, I never made any ad hominem statements about President-Elect Obama.

I'm not saying that I'm better than everyone else, because I'm not. This just happens to be something that I don't struggle with. I've never enjoyed the radio talk shows with the conservatives slamming the liberals and the liberals shredding the conservatives. I've never enjoyed people belittling our head-of-state. I've never understood how people who call themselves Christians can be so full of malice and slander towards others. It doesn't matter which side of the aisle a Christian is on. If he/she claims to be a Christian, we should be able to see it in their actions.

The Election Good...

In the past I have taken part in an AMAZING program called Teenpact. Teenpacters are the most awesome people that you will ever meet. If every teenager was like these teens, then our country's future would be so bright that we would be blinded.

I'm always greatly encouraged when I hear about some Teenpact alumnus running for political office. This year, I got a Teenpact newsletter email about this 19-year-old guy named Kirk Lundby. Kirk was running for a state representative seat in Great Falls, Montana. My mom, of course, has her links in the MT political scene, and one of her friends actually knows Kirk fairly well. So she emailed Kirk to let him know that we were excited about what he was doing.

Kirk ended up losing his race, but I think what he did is amazing. If I wasn't moving away from my town next year to go to another college, I would LOVE to run for some local office.

Our country's future is not in a whole bunch of stuffy old people sitting in plush chairs. It is about my generation. It's about the young, bright minds who are being molded into America's new leaders. I don't know why people think that politicians have to be old. I don't have anything against "old" politicians, but let's face it--- they're rather boring. Young politicians bring an incredible, vibrant energy to a crumbling system of rules and hierarchies. Their excitement gets me excited. I feel more alive than I've felt in months. Kirk Lundby and other young people like him inspire me. They're making a difference in this world, and it makes me hope, that someday, in some little way, I might be able to make a difference too.

Think for youself... READ.

2008-11-01T18:16:00.003-04:00

In my American Lit class we've been asked several times what we thought was literature. Some people have said anything that was written down, others said writings that give us a glimpse into the past. I've been thinking about my answer for a few weeks, and the other day in class I decided to voice my opinion on the matter.

Literature is anything that makes you think. It can be a novel, a newspaper article, a poem, the "literature" in the doctor's office, a textbook, or even song lyrics. I don't mean those Boxcar Children books we read when we were kids. I don't mean those trivial emails you get that have been forwarded a billion times. I mean stuff that you don't forget about 2 seconds after you read it. I mean the stuff that makes your brain form a thought, and then form another thought, and then another and another and another. If it makes you think, then it's making you better.
People these days don't read anymore. At least not like they used to. Now we get everything we know from tv, from politicians, from talk radio, from anywhere except for printed material. That's not necessarily bad, but it scares me. Why? Because if people are getting all their information from CNN or FOX news, they don't think for themselves. They accept what the tv tells them and they don't question it!

If people don't read, all their thoughts are not really theirs. They have been hugely influenced by the newscaster. The media is supposed to be un-biased, but that is far from true anymore. Everyone has opinions and they aren't afraid to share them.

Authors share their opinions too, but if you are reading it, you have time to stop and think about it. If you're just listening to someone, you don't have a chance to digest the material and decide your opinion on the matter, so you just take what that person says as your opinion. That's sad. That's scary.

So please, think for yourself. Please, read.

Laughter

2008-10-25T11:17:00.002-04:00

So I don't know if anyone has noticed this besides me.... College is stressful!!! Especially when you have 4 super hard classes (+ one easy one)! Add to that work, driving siblings places, etc, and soon everything in your life has to be in your datebook, or else it will never happen.
The other week I had to schedule dinner with my dad just so I could see him!! And even then it was an eat-and-run kind of thing because I had to go to class! Hanging out with my friends also now has to be scheduled. :(
Last night some of us went to see High School Musical 3 and I was planning to leave right after it was over to go finish an online chemistry assignment. I had worked for several hours on the assignment and I had a bit left to do before the 11pm deadline. But sometime during watching Vanessa and Zach gaze into each others' eyes, I decided that I was having fun! (*gasp*) So I then decided that I wanted to hang out with my friends after the movie too. I decided to basically throw away the hours that I had already done on the assignment and do an alternate assigment instead(*bigger gasp*). I hope my professor allows me to do so...
Anyways, I am SO glad that I chose to hang out my friends last night. We went to McDonalds and it was like all those Sunday and Wednesday nights back in high school.
I actually laughed last night. I can't remember the last time when I laughed that hard. Anyone who knows me knows that I cry if I'm truly laughing, and let's just say... it's a good thing that I didn't have mascara on!!
So you know how they say that laughter's good medicine? Take their advice. Put your "life" on hold and enjoy the life that matters. Spend time with the people you love. Laugh as if you have no cares in the world. It won't make your busy "life" go away, but it will make it seem not as bad! :)

Yellow violet=oxymoron?

2008-10-23T11:23:00.007-04:00

For the past two class meetings, my English professor has been sick. Because of this, we haven't had class, but instead we are required to post on an online discussion board. Today I decided to sit down and read the poems and post my thoughts so I could move on to studying for my Econ test. Here are some of my thoughts:

The poetry we read was four poems by William Cullen Bryant: Thanatopsis; The Yellow Violet; To Cole, The Painter, Departing For Europe; and The Prairies. These are good poems, some better than the rest. My favorite is Yellow Violet, then Thanatopsis, and the other two are tied for last (or third if you're an optimist).

In all of these poems, Bryant displays an amazing gift of description. The beginning of Prairies makes me feel as if I'm in Montana watching the clouds cast shadows on the plains below. When I read Thanatopsis, I could easily imagine Bryant walking on a path through the woods.

Thanatopsis is a Greek word meaning a meditation on death. Bryant's poem by this name is the most philosophical out of the four. He uses personification with regards to nature, and his reverance towards nature makes me think he had Pantheistic leanings. I find Bryant's tone throughout the poem interesting. At first he's thoughtful and melancholy, and at the end he sounds like a motivational speaker. The interesting thing is that the end-- the motivational part-- was written a few years after the rest. So that makes me wonder what happened in those years that so changed his attitude towards death?

Yellow Violet is my idea of a wonderful poem. It has beautiful description of a spring scene and Bryant uses this to draw a parallel between flowers and people. He describes how the violet is the first flower to come up in the spring, sometimes even when snow is still on the ground. This makes me think of how resilient people can be. Just like a flower blooming in the snow, people can thrive in the midst of strife.

Bryant more specifically discusses how the violet seems so beautiful at first, but it's beauty is quickly surpassed when the other larger flowers bloom. He draws a harsh contrast to how when people become rich and/or famous, they quickly forget their old friends. Bryant confesses that he has done this, but he now regrets it. The bitterness that can be heard in Bryant's voice at this point made me actually stop and read back to see how he so swiftly got from an innocent flower to the cold world we live in. (And this was written in the 19th century!) Bryant then just as quickly switches back to talking about a flower. I find it amazing that Bryant could so masterfully use a yellow violet to make a point.

And yes, there really is such a thing as a yellow violet.

Radioactivity...

2008-10-22T20:48:00.004-04:00

So... this post might seem random, but it's something I've been thinking about today. It's about something (that I find) interesting that my physics professor said in class last night.
He told us a question posed to him when he was a young engineer working on an oil rig. The question is this: If you have a piece of radioactive material about the size of a piece of chalk (this is the size that he was using on the rig for some unknown reason...) and you don't have a lead box, how do you trasnsport it without killing yourself?
Answer: Well what makes something radioactive is the fact that a whole bunch of neutrons are coming off the substance (not exactly but w/e), and these neutrons are what are harmful to people. So you want to transport it in something that has a lot of protons. Something that has a lot of protons is hydrogen. So... you want to transport it in something that has a lot of hydrogen. One common substance would be water (H2O).
So if you ever need to transport some radioactive material, and you don't have a lead container, just use a bucket of water. I'm sure that would save your internal organs from frying. Or maybe not. :\