A Timeless Reality

It has been 3 days since I wrote that I am choosing to be single (for the time being). By making this decision, I have relieved a lot of worries about "oh does that guy like me" type of things. At the same time, however, it has opened up new worries about "well if I text so-and-so will he get the wrong impression" type of stuff.

I've been seeking out resources to answer some of my questions about how I should relate to guys and this is where my frustration began. Yesterday I was at Barnes & Noble in the "Christian Inspiration" section looking at the books. There were a ton of books for married men & women and I finally found a shelf where the books written for singles were. The first book was about how to go about finding a mate. The second was about how to attract a godly guy. The third was about how to handle dating. Every book on the single shelf was about how to become un-single!

I realize that the vast majority of Christians will get married. I believe that even though God has wired me in such a way that I can survive without a guy, He is not calling me to be single forever.

But for right now, I am single and I am not looking for crying out loud!!!

WHY do people in this world believe that you HAVE to have a boyfriend?? Well, for people who inundate themselves in secular music and movies, it's easy to understand how that belief seeps in to our minds and takes root. From a 15-yr-old boy singing "I can fix up your broken heart, I can give you a brand new start, I can make you believe,
I just wanna set one girl free to fall in love with me" to the Twilight movies that show a girl throwing away everything (friends, family, etc) for a boy, Hollywood is telling us over and over and over again that we NEED to have a special someone.

But what I don't understand is how the Christian community still believes that I NEED someone!! Ok, so many Christian books tell teenage girls that they don't NEED a boyfriend, that they are special and wonderful, and that God loves them, so it's all good. But practically, there is NOTHING behind these words to back it up. You can pick up that same book for teenage girls and read the chapter on how girls don't NEED a boyfriend, then flip to the next chapter and read about how to be attractive to Christian guys and find a guy to date. It's nothing but contradictions and I hate it!

I KNOW that I don't need a boyfriend. Now where are the books and the blogs and the advice to help me in my quest to be single and happy??? *sigh*

I will continue looking for advice and resources and keep you posted...

It is said that women are fickle creatures and, being of the female persuasion, I totally agree. My emotions can change quite quickly and dramatically, but what really scares me is how I so rapidly change my mind about guys.

One second I’m in love with some hot British actor and googling him left and right. The next second, I see a picture of another actor and start to google him instead.

One day, I meet a guy who I know is trouble, yet I want him to notice me and ask me out anyways. The next day, I think the guy is a shallow creep (which he was all along, but I just didn’t pay it any mind at first).

One week, I’ll be head over heels in love with a guy and want to marry him. The next week, I just want to be friends.

Arghhhhhh! It’s frustrating. It’s silly. It’s shallow, superficial, and ignorant.

It is exactly what this world encourages.

The raunchy magazines I see on the racks in the check-out line, the celeb stories I see splashed across the headlines, and the “dating advice” I hear on talk shows all tell me that I should “love ‘em and leave ‘em”. Get what I can out of a guy then quickly move on before I can get hurt.

The problem with that philosophy is that it is not painless. It hurts. A lot.

I have barely ventured into the world of dating (because I see how crappy it turns out for most people) and I have already been hurt.

Since my last post, I have seriously been seeking out how I should go about the whole dating thing. I have sought advice from friends, from books, and from God, and I have made up my mind.

DATING IS NOT FOR ME.

Now, this doesn’t mean I would refuse to go grab coffee or lunch with a guy. It just means that I absolutely refuse to get caught up in that cycle that so many girls my age think is essential to their happiness. I refuse to give away my heart, just so I can say that I have a man who loves me. I refuse to use some poor unsuspecting guy to make me feel loved. I refuse to be part of a relationship if I can’t fully commit to it.

My lack of commitment is a big driving force behind the reason that I do not want to date. According to “my” plan, I am not getting married for 10 years. One of the main reasons for that is because I don’t want to be tied down or held back. I want to live my life full of adventure before I get trapped into something I can’t get out of till the dude kicks the bucket. (Just for the record, I don’t think marriage is awful. I think it is a beautiful thing that I someday want to commit to, heart and soul. But I’m not ready for someday to get here today!)

When talking to a very wise godly friend of mine, she mentioned that when she was my age, she was in a relationship with a guy that ended up lasting 3 years. When I heard 3 YEARS, I had a mini-panic attack. Ohmygoshicannotgetstuckwithsomeguyforthreefrickinyearsthatspracticallyforever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After I got over my little freak-out moment, I saw how eye-opening my emotional response can be at times. (See, I guess there’s a reason God made women so emotional after all!) I saw that I am in no way, shape, or form, ready to seriously commit to a relationship.

But at the same time, I refuse to lead a guy on if I’m not going to commit.

So the best solution that I see at this point is to “just be friends”. (As if that would stop my heart from racing when I see some pair of gorgeous blue eyes or a tan six-pack…) My heart is still just as fickle as always, but I’m determined to keep my emotions inside, or sometimes spew them to my blog, instead of lovin and leavin some guy depending on my emotional state of the day.

I am still in pursuit of the best way for a young God-seeking woman to react to the opposite sex. I’m currently re-reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Passion & Purity to see what gems I might have missed when I read these books a few years back. Consider this a warning that a lot of my future posts might be discussing the whole dating thing in further detail…

Until then, I will leave you with a reminder to guard your hearts and to always, first and foremost, love the Lord your God more than you love anything or anyone. (Don’t go thinking I have this down no problemo, I’m reminding myself too!!)

Writing is how I process what is going on in my head. Like my friend Lindsey said here, just because I write something down, that does not in anyway mean that my opinion on the subject is set in stone. When I begin a blog, I never really know where it will go. With that being said, I have no clue where I'm going with this post, but that is exactly why I'm writing it. I'm trying to figure this out, and hopefully writing it down will help!



There are some girls in this world who think they need a boyfriend. I am not one of those girls. I know that I am fully capable of surviving, and even thriving, while I am single. Yes, there are days where I have that wistful feeling that tries to push me into settling for just any guy. But I refuse to settle. I'm not going to date a jerk, just so I can enjoy the benefits of having someone to make me feel special. I'm not that shallow.

Up to this point, deciding whether to date or to be single has been fairly simple. All of the guys I know are either jerks or just not what I'm looking for. But the Lord always likes to shake up "my" plans.

The other week, I met a guy. He is not a jerk. And he is exactly what I'm looking for. Problem: I wasn't expecting to meet a guy like him anytime soon, so I have no idea what to do now!!!

From the little I know of him, I like him and he seems to like me. Thankfully, I won't see him until I go back to Blacksburg in a few weeks, so these few weeks give me some time to figure stuff out. If he asks me out (that's a big IF), what should I say??

I've been reading Christian blogs and various verses all morning, and this is the general consensus. Seek the Lord, wait patiently, and one day He will bring THE ONE into your life.

Great, thanks. I AM seeking the Lord. I know that as long as I have Him, I can be single for the rest of my life and still be perfectly content. Since I'm content with my future, no matter what happens, I am in no rush to find a guy, thus, I AM waiting patiently. (This sounds really vain saying, "oh I'm content, I'm patient, blah blah", but I'm trying to be honest...)

So how do I know when the waiting stops? How do I know if I'm supposed to date a guy or if I'm supposed to just keep on waiting? *sigh* I know that it will work out in the end, it always does. But I'm a practical person, and that practicality is screaming "WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?"

Lord, please help me to be a Mary, not a Martha. Please help me to accept the total peace you offer to me. And when the time comes for action (or non-action), please show me what to do.