To date or not to date, that is the question...

Writing is how I process what is going on in my head. Like my friend Lindsey said here, just because I write something down, that does not in anyway mean that my opinion on the subject is set in stone. When I begin a blog, I never really know where it will go. With that being said, I have no clue where I'm going with this post, but that is exactly why I'm writing it. I'm trying to figure this out, and hopefully writing it down will help!



There are some girls in this world who think they need a boyfriend. I am not one of those girls. I know that I am fully capable of surviving, and even thriving, while I am single. Yes, there are days where I have that wistful feeling that tries to push me into settling for just any guy. But I refuse to settle. I'm not going to date a jerk, just so I can enjoy the benefits of having someone to make me feel special. I'm not that shallow.

Up to this point, deciding whether to date or to be single has been fairly simple. All of the guys I know are either jerks or just not what I'm looking for. But the Lord always likes to shake up "my" plans.

The other week, I met a guy. He is not a jerk. And he is exactly what I'm looking for. Problem: I wasn't expecting to meet a guy like him anytime soon, so I have no idea what to do now!!!

From the little I know of him, I like him and he seems to like me. Thankfully, I won't see him until I go back to Blacksburg in a few weeks, so these few weeks give me some time to figure stuff out. If he asks me out (that's a big IF), what should I say??

I've been reading Christian blogs and various verses all morning, and this is the general consensus. Seek the Lord, wait patiently, and one day He will bring THE ONE into your life.

Great, thanks. I AM seeking the Lord. I know that as long as I have Him, I can be single for the rest of my life and still be perfectly content. Since I'm content with my future, no matter what happens, I am in no rush to find a guy, thus, I AM waiting patiently. (This sounds really vain saying, "oh I'm content, I'm patient, blah blah", but I'm trying to be honest...)

So how do I know when the waiting stops? How do I know if I'm supposed to date a guy or if I'm supposed to just keep on waiting? *sigh* I know that it will work out in the end, it always does. But I'm a practical person, and that practicality is screaming "WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?"

Lord, please help me to be a Mary, not a Martha. Please help me to accept the total peace you offer to me. And when the time comes for action (or non-action), please show me what to do.

Come Home

This afternoon I had my last final exam of the fall semester. I quickly finished packing my car and hit the road. In a little over an hour, I was home.

I got home at 8pm to find that no one was home except for my mom, who had already gone to bed because she wasn't feeling well. By 8:20, I had said hi to my pets, noticed that the Christmas tree was crooked and missing my favorite ornaments, checked Facebook, and read all of that day's MLIAs. Twenty minutes after getting home, I was already bored. Great... I'm going to be here for a few weeks and I'm already bored!

By 8:45, I had made and consumed a plate of nachos. I had washed all the dirty dishes in the sink. I had played some Chris Rice on the piano. Still booooored.

Finally, my dad and sisters got home. My youngest sister, Jessica, turned on the tv. Watching tv to entertain me hadn't even crossed my mind since I so rarely watch it anymore. She, Monica, and I then had some sister bonding time by using Facebook pictures and posts to tell stories about what's been happening recently (I was pretty much the only one who told about my life, but whatever).

It's weird being out of the loop from being gone. Monica informed me that she had had her "new" jacket for a few months. Well it was new to me!!!

Since tomorrow is a school/work day for my family, I was soon alone again as everyone else scattered to their respective parts of the house. I laid on the couch watching the weather. Yes, the weather on tv! Normally I just do the normal 21st Century thing and google the forecast, so I felt very old school.

After awhile, my older brother Loren got home from work. After catching me up on (aka complaining about) how his classes were going, he quickly remembered his newest gadget. Turns out this one was pretty cool... one of those massager things whoo! I quickly volunteered to be his guinea pig, and like any awesome brother, he gave me a 10 minute back massage. Ahhh simply amazing!

After complaining about the "dumb" books he has to read for his English class, my brother pulled out the book that he's "reading for fun". It was "Of Arms and Men: A History of War, Weapons, and Aggression". Only my brother would consider that fun reading haha. After then discussing cars and legos (and then his favorite websites that talk about cars and legos), he decided to google sheep shearing since I'm an animal science major. Yeah. We youtubed the guy who's the world's fastest sheep shearer. Beat that for fun! (*sarcasm*)


Ok. So the fact that I just wrote down everything I did this evening proves how bored I am!! Realizing that I have no homework due, no tests to study for, no need to set an alarm clock, and nothing in particular to do for the next few weeks is weird. Over the past few months, Virginia Tech has become my home, and my friends there have become my family. Now, I'm at my real home with my real family. It's odd. It's like having two different lives. But it's not the having of two different lives that's difficult. It's the occasional moments, like right now, where those two lives cross paths.

It makes me wonder if coming back home will always be this way from now on. Will it always be a place that can be like a warm, comfortable blanket, but at the same time worn-out and scratchy? Will it always be the place that I always want to be when I'm far away, yet when I'm here, I wish I was somewhere more exciting? Was this past summer the last time in my life that this green bedroom and arched windows will truly be my home? Has this house changed from being the place I refer to as "my home" to the place I describe to people as "my childhood home"??

Ah sometimes growing up is tough. They (whoever "they" are) say home is where the heart is. Although sometimes my heart is sitting on top of this quilt that so perfectly matches these green walls, oftentimes my heart wants to be with the people I love. Other times, my heart just wants to be in the middle of an open field, gazing at the gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains that surround my quaint little country town.

Over the next few days, I will adjust to the fact that I am now living this life, not my Virginia Tech life. In a few days, I will have become just as attached to this place as I used to be. When it comes time to pack and go back to school, I will get really quiet and just want to go sit in my green room and never leave.

But I will leave. I will go back to school. I will see my friends and be glad I'm back. I will adjust to my new classes. Then, once I am in the middle of the busy bustle of that life, I will realize I miss moments like I am experencing right now here in this life. I will miss my horse. I will miss my family. I will miss my open field. I will miss being able to tilt my head back at night and see thousands upon thousands of miniscule diamonds spread upon a silky blue-black backdrop. At that moment, the beautiful lines that OneRepublic sings will begin to scroll through my head. "Come home, come home, cause I've been waiting for you..."

No matter where I go, no matter what I do, this brick house will always be home. Sure, someday I'm sure I'll live in a house longer than the 10 years that I have lived in this one, and I'm sure that I will fall in love with a house the way that I have loved this one, but this one will always hold a special place in my heart. That piece of my heart will always call this place home.

No longer a pledge!!!

Whoo I am now officially a member of the Block and Bridle club at Virginia Tech!!! (Block and Bridle is the main animal science club here.) Yeah, sure being a member is cool, but I'm mostly just excited the pledging process is over!!! It was pretty intense (but fun!) at times.

I now have my "B" sitting on my bedpost and not it my backpack where I always had it on hand. I'm sooo glad that I can now stop obsessing about those 2 stinkin pieces of wood and the empty lines waiting for signatures!

Now I can start focusing on the impending finals blah...

I should be a lawyer...

Everyone at Virginia Tech gets parking tickets. EVERYONE. I knew this coming here, so I was very conscientious about reading signs before I parked anywhere on campus. I was not going to be one of the "everyone" who gets a ticket. And yet, despite my best efforts, I got a ticket earlier on this semester. I mentioned it here: here.

After I paid my parking ticket, I turned in a written appeal, where I very clearly stated my case and how I did not deserve to get a ticket. A couple of weeks later, I got a letter in response. "We have taken your appeal into consideration and are sorry to inform you that it has been denied. If you would like to schedule a hearing to further appeal your case, please call this number..."

Well. Guess who appealed it further? Yes, that would me moi. It wasn't even about the money. I just wanted justice for crying out loud!!!

So the week before Thanksgiving break, I put on a professional suit, pulled my hair back into a severe bun, and grabbed my little black messenger bag wanna-be-briefcase and headed for a showdown.

Turns out, the people (who were sitting around a big imposing boardroom table eek!) were really nice and polite. I calmly and clearly stated my case (using an opening, 3 main points, and a conclusion like any good persuasive speaker would) in a couple of minutes. The parking service lady then informed me that there were indeed signs, I just didn't understand them correctly (being new to campus and all). Bummer, there went my case. They then complimented me on my politeness and preparedness, then escorted me out, saying that they would mail me their decision in a week.

Yesterday I checked my mailbox to find a letter from parking services. Not expecting much, I opened the letter to a pleasant surprise. They dismissed my parking ticket and are going to give me a full refund!!! YAY I WON!!!! It was my finest moment. (Not really, that just sounded fitting.) So yeah, maybe if I don't get into vet school, I should be a lawyer! :)

Hmm

Just realized that pretty much every one of my posts is about the same stuff. I will try to remedy this in the not-to-distant future my writing about something unrelated to school/career!!!

A Good Reminder

This semester has undoubtedly been a test of my confidence in my career choice. My classes have been really challenging and they have made me question whether this extensive education is really worth it. In the past, I have always easily known that it was worth it, because it's truly what I want to do. But this past month, I've felt like giving up. Eh do I really want to be a veterinarian after all??

This morning reminded me of WHY all this schooling is worth it. What I have learned in a classroom has never ever been my inspiration for being a veterinarian. The thing that makes me love veterinary medicine is the actual hands-on practicing of vet medicine.

I got up bright and early this morning (like I have every day this week... aren't I supposed to sleep in over break???) and went to take part in something I love-- a herd check at a dairy farm. Does getting up early to go watch someone stick their arm up a cow's butt sound like fun to anyone else besides me?? As if being a part of a herd check wasn't enough, I got to observe two minor surgeries whoo!! I am not sure why, but I get a huge rush from observing the insides of animals (especially if they're still alive). I love seeing the internal stuff that makes the animal function as it should. Blood doesn't faze me, nor does the smell of the gas hissing out of a cow's abomasum.

Today was a good reminder WHY I want to be a veterinarian. It's just a little thing, but it has shown me that the science related to an animal's well-being is what makes me happy. It excites me. It makes me want to jump out of bed every morning to go to work.

Sure, some days it will feel old and boring, but I've been pursuing veterinary medicine for years and I haven't gotten tired of it yet. I don't think it's time to give up on this dream of mine. Either I'm going to get into vet school, or I'm not. Until I get that letter that tells me if I made it or not, I'm going to keep trying. Some days I will get tired, frustrated, and sick of school, but that won't stop me. I will continue to "press on, press on, press on, press on, press on, press on, press on[...]" to quote a very wise man. :)

Lost, but moving forward

A dry, brown leaf falls off of a tree branch and lands in a gently moving river. The leaf moves with the movement of the water-- sometimes going along gently, and other times, being swiftly pulled along. The leaf has no control over where it’s going. Occasionally, the little leaf gets sucked into an eddy. The leaf spins faster and faster, almost violently, out of control. It goes around and around, but ultimately, it goes nowhere.

I feel like this leaf. Lost. Spinning out of control in dizzying circles. Running as fast as I can, but getting nowhere.

Miss Smartypants Crystal, normally so sure of herself, is completely unsure.

I hate this. I feel helpless. I’ve been crying at the drop of a hat these last few days (which may or may not be my endocrine system’s fault…). What is the point of my life right now? That’s a good question… one which I wish I knew the answer to.

Pretty much all my future plans and dreams ride on me getting into vet school. I’ve always been practical and known that I might not get accepted. I’ve always considered what I will do if I don’t get in. But now that it’s only a year away from when my application is due, I’m doubting myself. I have a B (possibly C) in O Chem. How can I get into vet school with B’s?? Yeah some people get in with B’s. But I won’t. I know I won’t get into vet school.

Practically, I still have a good chance at getting in. So WHY am I doubting myself? Where is my confidence, my fighting spirit??

I don’t know what it is about fall semesters, but they just make me want to give up. Spring semesters, I always get straight A’s. Fall semesters, on the other hand, are huge challenges for me. Not just academically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I have no idea why, but it is a pattern I’ve noticed these last couple of years. (Maybe someone should do research on my pineal gland when I die and see if humans like increasing daylight better than decreasing daylight??? Hmm.)

Anyways. In these moments of weakness and challenges, that is when I turn to the one who is always there. Maybe one of the reasons that fall is so rough for me is because I tend to ignore God over summer break. I grow distant from Him, and about halfway through the fall semester I’m like “Crap! How am I in this place again??” So right now I’m trying to soak in as much God time as I can. There’s so many church services offered here, I’m seriously considering going to more than one. One church on Sunday morning, than another one in the evening. Oh and I have Cru small group on Tuesday and Cru on Thursday. Good good good, I must be a saint right?

Yeah right.

Listening to someone else talk about God is not enough. Singing songs full of love and adoration is not enough. I need that daily “me ‘n God” time. If I’m honest, I haven’t had a regular quiet time in a very long time. I need to be disciplined in this. Just now I went to amazon and searched for devotional guides. I need something. Something that will help me on a daily basis think about how incredibly amazing my loving Savior is. I need to focus on HIM and all the petty things that are freaking me out will fade away.

Yes, I am confused by why He’s letting me spin in these circles, but I aim to draw near to Him, because I know that He will anchor me, even when I’m caught in the center of a terrifying eddy.

He is my rock and my salvation, and I shall never be moved. Amen.