A Timeless Reality

Writing is how I process what is going on in my head. Like my friend Lindsey said here, just because I write something down, that does not in anyway mean that my opinion on the subject is set in stone. When I begin a blog, I never really know where it will go. With that being said, I have no clue where I'm going with this post, but that is exactly why I'm writing it. I'm trying to figure this out, and hopefully writing it down will help!



There are some girls in this world who think they need a boyfriend. I am not one of those girls. I know that I am fully capable of surviving, and even thriving, while I am single. Yes, there are days where I have that wistful feeling that tries to push me into settling for just any guy. But I refuse to settle. I'm not going to date a jerk, just so I can enjoy the benefits of having someone to make me feel special. I'm not that shallow.

Up to this point, deciding whether to date or to be single has been fairly simple. All of the guys I know are either jerks or just not what I'm looking for. But the Lord always likes to shake up "my" plans.

The other week, I met a guy. He is not a jerk. And he is exactly what I'm looking for. Problem: I wasn't expecting to meet a guy like him anytime soon, so I have no idea what to do now!!!

From the little I know of him, I like him and he seems to like me. Thankfully, I won't see him until I go back to Blacksburg in a few weeks, so these few weeks give me some time to figure stuff out. If he asks me out (that's a big IF), what should I say??

I've been reading Christian blogs and various verses all morning, and this is the general consensus. Seek the Lord, wait patiently, and one day He will bring THE ONE into your life.

Great, thanks. I AM seeking the Lord. I know that as long as I have Him, I can be single for the rest of my life and still be perfectly content. Since I'm content with my future, no matter what happens, I am in no rush to find a guy, thus, I AM waiting patiently. (This sounds really vain saying, "oh I'm content, I'm patient, blah blah", but I'm trying to be honest...)

So how do I know when the waiting stops? How do I know if I'm supposed to date a guy or if I'm supposed to just keep on waiting? *sigh* I know that it will work out in the end, it always does. But I'm a practical person, and that practicality is screaming "WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?"

Lord, please help me to be a Mary, not a Martha. Please help me to accept the total peace you offer to me. And when the time comes for action (or non-action), please show me what to do.

This afternoon I had my last final exam of the fall semester. I quickly finished packing my car and hit the road. In a little over an hour, I was home.

I got home at 8pm to find that no one was home except for my mom, who had already gone to bed because she wasn't feeling well. By 8:20, I had said hi to my pets, noticed that the Christmas tree was crooked and missing my favorite ornaments, checked Facebook, and read all of that day's MLIAs. Twenty minutes after getting home, I was already bored. Great... I'm going to be here for a few weeks and I'm already bored!

By 8:45, I had made and consumed a plate of nachos. I had washed all the dirty dishes in the sink. I had played some Chris Rice on the piano. Still booooored.

Finally, my dad and sisters got home. My youngest sister, Jessica, turned on the tv. Watching tv to entertain me hadn't even crossed my mind since I so rarely watch it anymore. She, Monica, and I then had some sister bonding time by using Facebook pictures and posts to tell stories about what's been happening recently (I was pretty much the only one who told about my life, but whatever).

It's weird being out of the loop from being gone. Monica informed me that she had had her "new" jacket for a few months. Well it was new to me!!!

Since tomorrow is a school/work day for my family, I was soon alone again as everyone else scattered to their respective parts of the house. I laid on the couch watching the weather. Yes, the weather on tv! Normally I just do the normal 21st Century thing and google the forecast, so I felt very old school.

After awhile, my older brother Loren got home from work. After catching me up on (aka complaining about) how his classes were going, he quickly remembered his newest gadget. Turns out this one was pretty cool... one of those massager things whoo! I quickly volunteered to be his guinea pig, and like any awesome brother, he gave me a 10 minute back massage. Ahhh simply amazing!

After complaining about the "dumb" books he has to read for his English class, my brother pulled out the book that he's "reading for fun". It was "Of Arms and Men: A History of War, Weapons, and Aggression". Only my brother would consider that fun reading haha. After then discussing cars and legos (and then his favorite websites that talk about cars and legos), he decided to google sheep shearing since I'm an animal science major. Yeah. We youtubed the guy who's the world's fastest sheep shearer. Beat that for fun! (*sarcasm*)


Ok. So the fact that I just wrote down everything I did this evening proves how bored I am!! Realizing that I have no homework due, no tests to study for, no need to set an alarm clock, and nothing in particular to do for the next few weeks is weird. Over the past few months, Virginia Tech has become my home, and my friends there have become my family. Now, I'm at my real home with my real family. It's odd. It's like having two different lives. But it's not the having of two different lives that's difficult. It's the occasional moments, like right now, where those two lives cross paths.

It makes me wonder if coming back home will always be this way from now on. Will it always be a place that can be like a warm, comfortable blanket, but at the same time worn-out and scratchy? Will it always be the place that I always want to be when I'm far away, yet when I'm here, I wish I was somewhere more exciting? Was this past summer the last time in my life that this green bedroom and arched windows will truly be my home? Has this house changed from being the place I refer to as "my home" to the place I describe to people as "my childhood home"??

Ah sometimes growing up is tough. They (whoever "they" are) say home is where the heart is. Although sometimes my heart is sitting on top of this quilt that so perfectly matches these green walls, oftentimes my heart wants to be with the people I love. Other times, my heart just wants to be in the middle of an open field, gazing at the gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains that surround my quaint little country town.

Over the next few days, I will adjust to the fact that I am now living this life, not my Virginia Tech life. In a few days, I will have become just as attached to this place as I used to be. When it comes time to pack and go back to school, I will get really quiet and just want to go sit in my green room and never leave.

But I will leave. I will go back to school. I will see my friends and be glad I'm back. I will adjust to my new classes. Then, once I am in the middle of the busy bustle of that life, I will realize I miss moments like I am experencing right now here in this life. I will miss my horse. I will miss my family. I will miss my open field. I will miss being able to tilt my head back at night and see thousands upon thousands of miniscule diamonds spread upon a silky blue-black backdrop. At that moment, the beautiful lines that OneRepublic sings will begin to scroll through my head. "Come home, come home, cause I've been waiting for you..."

No matter where I go, no matter what I do, this brick house will always be home. Sure, someday I'm sure I'll live in a house longer than the 10 years that I have lived in this one, and I'm sure that I will fall in love with a house the way that I have loved this one, but this one will always hold a special place in my heart. That piece of my heart will always call this place home.

Whoo I am now officially a member of the Block and Bridle club at Virginia Tech!!! (Block and Bridle is the main animal science club here.) Yeah, sure being a member is cool, but I'm mostly just excited the pledging process is over!!! It was pretty intense (but fun!) at times.

I now have my "B" sitting on my bedpost and not it my backpack where I always had it on hand. I'm sooo glad that I can now stop obsessing about those 2 stinkin pieces of wood and the empty lines waiting for signatures!

Now I can start focusing on the impending finals blah...

Everyone at Virginia Tech gets parking tickets. EVERYONE. I knew this coming here, so I was very conscientious about reading signs before I parked anywhere on campus. I was not going to be one of the "everyone" who gets a ticket. And yet, despite my best efforts, I got a ticket earlier on this semester. I mentioned it here: here.

After I paid my parking ticket, I turned in a written appeal, where I very clearly stated my case and how I did not deserve to get a ticket. A couple of weeks later, I got a letter in response. "We have taken your appeal into consideration and are sorry to inform you that it has been denied. If you would like to schedule a hearing to further appeal your case, please call this number..."

Well. Guess who appealed it further? Yes, that would me moi. It wasn't even about the money. I just wanted justice for crying out loud!!!

So the week before Thanksgiving break, I put on a professional suit, pulled my hair back into a severe bun, and grabbed my little black messenger bag wanna-be-briefcase and headed for a showdown.

Turns out, the people (who were sitting around a big imposing boardroom table eek!) were really nice and polite. I calmly and clearly stated my case (using an opening, 3 main points, and a conclusion like any good persuasive speaker would) in a couple of minutes. The parking service lady then informed me that there were indeed signs, I just didn't understand them correctly (being new to campus and all). Bummer, there went my case. They then complimented me on my politeness and preparedness, then escorted me out, saying that they would mail me their decision in a week.

Yesterday I checked my mailbox to find a letter from parking services. Not expecting much, I opened the letter to a pleasant surprise. They dismissed my parking ticket and are going to give me a full refund!!! YAY I WON!!!! It was my finest moment. (Not really, that just sounded fitting.) So yeah, maybe if I don't get into vet school, I should be a lawyer! :)

Just realized that pretty much every one of my posts is about the same stuff. I will try to remedy this in the not-to-distant future my writing about something unrelated to school/career!!!

This semester has undoubtedly been a test of my confidence in my career choice. My classes have been really challenging and they have made me question whether this extensive education is really worth it. In the past, I have always easily known that it was worth it, because it's truly what I want to do. But this past month, I've felt like giving up. Eh do I really want to be a veterinarian after all??

This morning reminded me of WHY all this schooling is worth it. What I have learned in a classroom has never ever been my inspiration for being a veterinarian. The thing that makes me love veterinary medicine is the actual hands-on practicing of vet medicine.

I got up bright and early this morning (like I have every day this week... aren't I supposed to sleep in over break???) and went to take part in something I love-- a herd check at a dairy farm. Does getting up early to go watch someone stick their arm up a cow's butt sound like fun to anyone else besides me?? As if being a part of a herd check wasn't enough, I got to observe two minor surgeries whoo!! I am not sure why, but I get a huge rush from observing the insides of animals (especially if they're still alive). I love seeing the internal stuff that makes the animal function as it should. Blood doesn't faze me, nor does the smell of the gas hissing out of a cow's abomasum.

Today was a good reminder WHY I want to be a veterinarian. It's just a little thing, but it has shown me that the science related to an animal's well-being is what makes me happy. It excites me. It makes me want to jump out of bed every morning to go to work.

Sure, some days it will feel old and boring, but I've been pursuing veterinary medicine for years and I haven't gotten tired of it yet. I don't think it's time to give up on this dream of mine. Either I'm going to get into vet school, or I'm not. Until I get that letter that tells me if I made it or not, I'm going to keep trying. Some days I will get tired, frustrated, and sick of school, but that won't stop me. I will continue to "press on, press on, press on, press on, press on, press on, press on[...]" to quote a very wise man. :)

A dry, brown leaf falls off of a tree branch and lands in a gently moving river. The leaf moves with the movement of the water-- sometimes going along gently, and other times, being swiftly pulled along. The leaf has no control over where it’s going. Occasionally, the little leaf gets sucked into an eddy. The leaf spins faster and faster, almost violently, out of control. It goes around and around, but ultimately, it goes nowhere.

I feel like this leaf. Lost. Spinning out of control in dizzying circles. Running as fast as I can, but getting nowhere.

Miss Smartypants Crystal, normally so sure of herself, is completely unsure.

I hate this. I feel helpless. I’ve been crying at the drop of a hat these last few days (which may or may not be my endocrine system’s fault…). What is the point of my life right now? That’s a good question… one which I wish I knew the answer to.

Pretty much all my future plans and dreams ride on me getting into vet school. I’ve always been practical and known that I might not get accepted. I’ve always considered what I will do if I don’t get in. But now that it’s only a year away from when my application is due, I’m doubting myself. I have a B (possibly C) in O Chem. How can I get into vet school with B’s?? Yeah some people get in with B’s. But I won’t. I know I won’t get into vet school.

Practically, I still have a good chance at getting in. So WHY am I doubting myself? Where is my confidence, my fighting spirit??

I don’t know what it is about fall semesters, but they just make me want to give up. Spring semesters, I always get straight A’s. Fall semesters, on the other hand, are huge challenges for me. Not just academically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I have no idea why, but it is a pattern I’ve noticed these last couple of years. (Maybe someone should do research on my pineal gland when I die and see if humans like increasing daylight better than decreasing daylight??? Hmm.)

Anyways. In these moments of weakness and challenges, that is when I turn to the one who is always there. Maybe one of the reasons that fall is so rough for me is because I tend to ignore God over summer break. I grow distant from Him, and about halfway through the fall semester I’m like “Crap! How am I in this place again??” So right now I’m trying to soak in as much God time as I can. There’s so many church services offered here, I’m seriously considering going to more than one. One church on Sunday morning, than another one in the evening. Oh and I have Cru small group on Tuesday and Cru on Thursday. Good good good, I must be a saint right?

Yeah right.

Listening to someone else talk about God is not enough. Singing songs full of love and adoration is not enough. I need that daily “me ‘n God” time. If I’m honest, I haven’t had a regular quiet time in a very long time. I need to be disciplined in this. Just now I went to amazon and searched for devotional guides. I need something. Something that will help me on a daily basis think about how incredibly amazing my loving Savior is. I need to focus on HIM and all the petty things that are freaking me out will fade away.

Yes, I am confused by why He’s letting me spin in these circles, but I aim to draw near to Him, because I know that He will anchor me, even when I’m caught in the center of a terrifying eddy.

He is my rock and my salvation, and I shall never be moved. Amen.

I know that college is supposed to be a time where you figure out your life and that you are more free than you ever will be in your life and blah blah blah. This is the time for you to make the big decisions in your life. This is the point where you will stand at many crossroads and decide whether or not to take the "road less traveled" (Frost). Some days it's totally and completely awesome that what I do right now is so important, but most of the time, it sucks. A lot.

First off, I'm broke. Broker (I know that's not proper grammar) than I have ever been before. I have $4 in my checking account and $2 in my wallet. Ouch. Thank God my housing and schooling bills are taken care of for the rest of the semester (if I understand that University Bursar office correctly at least).

I do have a $30 parking ticket to pay sometime within the next 10 days though. And it was NOT MY FAULT!!!! I was parked in the same parking lot I always park in, but apparently the campus parking people who like to play God (ok so I'm a little bitter) changed the rules, and they didn't bother to inform anyone (even the ladies at the parking service office heard about it for the first time today). So the nice ladies at parking services gave me a form to fill out to appeal the ticket. That made me smile. But then the lady added, you have to pay the ticket before you can appeal it. Smile quickly turned to a look that read "ohcrapidon'thavethirtydollars!!!!!". So yeah, a quick text to my older bro, and he put a check in the mail for me. Yay for interest-free loans!

Second big problem, grades. Ugh. You know how frustrating it is to study study study study study your life away, then end up getting a big fat C?!? It's awful! And it's not like it's only happened once this semester. So far, it's been the rule, not the exception.

So the grade problem leads me to another problem: career choice. I KNOW what I want to do. I want to be a large-animal veterinarian for crying out loud! But... what if I don't get into vet school? What do I want to do then?? And the answer is, I don't know. And that scares me. A lot.

Lastly, the big thing I have to figure out right now is where I'm going to live next year. Next year as in, fall semester 2010. As in, 11 months from now. Ugh! How in the world am I supposed to figure that out NOW?? So much can change in 11 months. Greedy landlords are just trying to force me into a lease. *glare*

The point that I'm starting to realize from this is that even when I have nothing, I have everything. Everything that matters at least. And no, it's not money, a nice apartment, or a secure career. It's a peace, a joy, a love, that surpasses my understanding. Even when I have so many worries weighing me down, I really have nothing to worry about. So yeah, life sucks, but God is good. :)

Pretty much anyone who knows me knows that I am a planner. I know what year I will graduate vet school, I know how many years I am going to spend in the army, I know the floor plan of my house, I know when I want to get a dog, and I know when I want to get married (11 years from now, in case anyone cares).

I am not one of those college kids who has no idea what they want to do with their life. I know exactly what I want to do with my life. And there's the problem. I know what I want to do with my life.

I do not know what God wants for my life. Sure, I have my plans, but so what? I will throw away all of my plans in a second if I feel God wants me to do something else. Honestly, I will feel such a relief to have a clear calling from God, I won't even feel bad about throwing away my plan. For years I've prayed "God, I do not know what You want with my life. And since I haven't heard you say any different, I will continue with my plan for now. But the second that you want it to change, let me know and I'll go your way!" It's like, all the things that I've been dreaming of for years, are just the basic boring plan. I don't want that. I want more.

Right now I'm thinking that maybe I should get involved with overseas veterinary missions. I would LOVE to go to South America and teach the people how to make a proper living from livestock. I would LOVE to ramble back and forth with the people in Spanish, or whatever dialect is their native tongue. I would LOVE to hug those smiling children with their dirty hair and their warm, chocolate eyes. Oh wait... there I go planning again. See, I would love to do that, but is that what I'm supposed to do???

I feel lost right now. I don't which way's up or down. I don't even know how to give advice to people anymore without it coming off as unloving. I don't feel like I'm doing anything useful with my life right now. There are soooo many things I could be doing for the Lord, even if I don't have a college degree. Heck, there's a girl in Africa who's 20 years old and is the mother to 14 orphan girls! I could do that, no degree required! (Read this amazing girl's story here).

So, yes, of course I've formed a plan to help me figure out what God's plan is for my life. This is what it looks like right now:
1) Contact the vet missions club at the vet school
2) Contact some of the vet missionaries down in South America and see if I could come for a month or so.
3) Talk to my youth pastor back home and ask him to keep his ears open for opportunities for me.
4) Most importantly, pray.

I know that what God wants to happen, is going to happen. There are a few verses that have been resonating in my heart and mind these past couple of days.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

So for now, I will work hard where I am. If He wants me to be a missionary vet I have to get into vet school first... So I'm off to go master this darn Organic Chemistry!!!

Life at college is not easy. Especially for a perfectionist want-straight-A's like I am. I'm finding that college is quite complicated (with all my classes, studying, meetings, and extracurriculars), yet at the same time, everything is so simple.

It's simple because I'm basically starting over. Meals are simple. I don't have ready access to a kitchen (which is a bummer sometimes), so I never HAVE to cook. I just stand in a line, tell them what I want, then hand them my hokie passport. Easy. Also, since all of my friendships are new and fresh, there's no deep talks or drama, which sometimes really sucks, but on the other hand, it makes life so much more simple. Even going to the grocery store is so much easier. Instead of living in the middle of nowhere (I really do miss living in the middle of nowhere though...), I now live smack-dab in the middle of everything! Very convenient!

The main thing that I find is so much more simple right now, is finding things to make me happy. Since most of my days are consumed with classes and studying, I have to find happiness in the little things.

For example, on Thursday, going to Cru and seeing all the other people on this campus who love God was VERY encouraging. The worship songs especially were awesome! I've had the songs "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan and "Beautiful" by Phil Wickham running through my head all weekend. So, not only did those songs make me happy at the time they were being played at Cru, but they have continued to bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart for the past 4 days. Bonus happiness; I love it!!!

Friday, I got to see people from home and from Roanoke, which easily made me happy.

Saturday, I watched my first sheep sale and my first official-I-am-now-a-Hokie VT football game (on tv), which made me happy.

Sunday, I got to play soccer with a bunch of good lookin guys. Enough said. :D

Today, I had to go to find a red shirt to be my soccer jersey. I figured Target would definitely have one, so I started there. After I scoured the store for a red athletic-ish shirt, I left in disappointment and headed to Wal-mart. Now, the thing that made my search more frustrating was the fact that I had only $20 for the next week or so (I have money in my bank account, but the ATM stole my check card...) and I had about 5 other items on my shopping list. As I searched Wal-mart, I texted all my frustration to my sister. As soon as I hit "send" I look up to see a red tank top. Excitedly, I grab it (it was my size yay!) and read the tag. It said "Clearance $1"!!!! Whoo! I quickly glanced at the wal-mart ceiling and said a quick thank-you. As I finished getting the things on my list, I couldn't stop smiling. After I checked out, I was smiling even bigger. Turns out I got the red shirt, new shinguards, a mini storage container ($1 item), deep conditioner, hair spray, and bobby pins ($1 item as well), all for a grand total of $13.75. My wallet, as well as myself, were quite happy.

As I walked from my car to my dorm just now, I couldn't stop smiling and whistling "How He Loves". I felt like people were staring at me as they walked past because I was just beaming. (This is weird, because normally when I'm walking, I apparently frown... I have had more than one passerby tell me to cheer up before... that always makes me feel like Scrooge or something!)

So yeah, I'm happy! :D

So I haven't had any time to write since I've been here at Virginia Tech and I don't have time to really write right now, so this will be short.

Today I ate...

Cookies for breakfast. At 7am. While I stared at my laptop screen. (That can't be good for me-- nutritionally, mentally, etc.)

A chicken salad croissant, at noon, but all it's healthiness was negated by the fact that I downed it in 2 minutes flat, because I had hijacked a girl's table and had to move fast. (At lunch time EVERY table is full, no matter what dining hall or restaurant I'm at... it's quite ridiculous!)

Cookies for dinner. At 4pm. While I stared at my laptop screen.

Edy's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream for a 2nd dinner. At 11pm. Oh and I ate a whole pint... Now I KNOW that can't be good for ya!

Oh well. Normally I eat fairly healthy and as far as I know, the freshman (even though I'm a junior) 15 hasn't hit me (but then again, I don't have a scale so I have noooo idea how much I weigh). Anyway, my point is that junk food on occasion is not going to kill me!!! So the only time any of ya'll have the right to criticize my diet, is if I really do gain those 15. Then feel free to chase me around shouting insults so I'll have to exercise to burn those calories! (Ok maybe not insults... try to be tactful por favor!)

(Plus, my sisters made me the cookies back home, and they have to be some of the most AMAZING cookies I have EVER had. Something about home-made cookies when you're far from home makes them taste so much better!!!)

*Warning: This post contains a great deal of personification of inanimate objects. If you think that's weird, too bad.*


Last year I bought a Dell Inspiron 1525 and I love it! Along with the laptop, I bought a snazzy Dell printer, which I love not-so-much. Yes, it's a very nice printer and it does a great job. Well it does a great job when it's actually working...

You see, for some reason unbeknown to moi, they ("they" being the computer and printer) don't get along. They never have and I'm doubtful they ever will. I have no idea what their little feud is regarding, but they need to realize that their problems affect not only them, but the people around them (namely me). Really, how selfish can they be? Don't they notice that every time I need to print something, I have to transfer it to a flash drive and take it to another computer in the house?? How troublesome.

I must admit that on occasion they make a little peace treaty and actually cooperate. THAT is when I actually love my printer. Be aware though, that I've had this laptop/printer combination for almost a year, and they have worked together only one handful of times. That's pretty pitiful.

So as I thought about what to take with me to VT, I decided to leave the printer at home. I mean, it's not like it works, so why bother?

As soon as my dad realized that I was leaving the printer at home, he politely confiscated it (with my permission, but it's not like I could say no...) and hooked it up to his computer. Of course it works perfectly for him. Ugh not fair! I paid for it, it should be working for me. Traitor.

Anyways, yesterday I checked the Scholar (kinda like Blackboard) page for one of my classes and the syllabus made it quite clear that I would be printing handouts. Lots and lots and lots of handouts. So I get to thinking... hmm... do I really want to have to find a computer lab every time I need to print something? What about those mornings I wake up late and I've forgotten to print off these precious handouts for this 8am class? I sense that could cause unnecessary stress in my life.

Sooo... I've decided to take my printer with me and just find some technology diplomat (aka computer genius) to help the two warring parties resolve their differences. Sorry to disappoint your free-printer hopes, Daddy.

Yay problem solved... the only thing left to do this morning was to pick up a black cartridge to replace the empty one that is currently sitting in the printer. As I walked into Wal-mart, I called home to have Mom check what kind of cartridge it is. (I've never had to replace it before since it's only actually printed 5 times in the past year!!!) Mom can't find the little door to reveal what kind of cartridge it is, so she gets my brother to come look too. This goes on for a few minutes as I stand in the Wal-mart aisle laughing at the frustration I hear on the other end of the line. (This good looking guy gave me a weird look for laughing out loud...) My brother's saying "it's gotta be in the back... cuz it's not here on the front" and I'm thinking "uhh they would never put it on the back; that would be totally inconvenient". Finally I'm like "hey why don't you guys go get the printer manual and it will tell you". Then I listen as my mom proceeds to mumble the printer instructions in French as I'm thinking "if they have the instructions in French, they definitely have them in English too!".

Finally, I notice a little booklet attached to a shelf in the cartridge aisle. It lists all kinds of printers and the cartridges that they use. About the same time I find the cartridge I need, my brother announces he found the little door. It was on the front (who woulda thought?!?).

And that was the beginning of my search for my printer cartridge. Apparently Staples has a monopoly on this certain Dell cartridge, which I figured out by driving to all the other stores around. And Staples' prices are normally exorbitant, so I'm just going to order from Dell.

So yeah, printers and the cartridges that reside therein equal a major headache. And yeah, I probably got a little carried away with my laptop-and-printer-at-war analogy, but oh well, just go with it. :)

Fifteen minutes ago I started my HUGE Wal-Mart "things to buy before I leave for school" list. It took me about 30 seconds to write down 13 items. Well that was easy.

Ten minutes ago, I started straightening my hair.

Eight minutes ago, I realized I forgot to add "contact lens solution" to my list, so I walked to where my list sat (grabbing a swig of my forgotten can of Amp along the way) and wrote down this 14th item. Then I remembered I needed toothpaste. Then notebook paper. A minute later, my short, easy list was twice as long.

Not a huge problem. I'm quite good at shopping as long as I have a list in front of me. The problem is that I'm not going to Wal-mart until tomorrow. Which means my list will have plenty of time to double, quadruple, and expand to the tenth power. Lovely.

Oooh. I just looked at my reflection in the computer screen and noticed I never got back to straightening my hair. Whoops.

I've always been a goal-oriented person. I've had my career picked out since I was 5. I've had the upcoming decade of my life planned out since I was 10. I've had my huge, gorgeous log-home designed since I was 12.

I think I'm kind of a paradox because I am a very realistic, down-to-earth kind of girl, yet I love to dream and scheme. This comes down to: I know what I want and I'm going to get it. No matter what.

To achieve my goals, I put a lot of pressure on myself. That's fine; I can handle the pressure and if I didn't push myself, I would never accomplish my goals.

But this leads to a problem. Because I expect so much of myself, I also expect a lot from others. I want to be the best that I can be, so I assume that everyone else wants to be the best that they can be. Apparently this is not the case for the average American teen.

I have seen so many of my peers mess their lives up, it's ridiculous. They don't realize that there is so much more to live for then the NOW. They never think about consequences. About the fallout of their actions. About what things will be like in the morning.

It's hard for me to be merciful to my friends and loved ones when they mess up. I mean seriously, why would you hang out with those people? Why would you ever drive after drinking? Why would you talk your friends into messing up their lives too? Why don't you ever think about the future?? About what you could be? About how you could change the world instead of living your life as a nobody loser???

As I sat here thinking about all this, a familiar song started playing on last.fm. It's a song by OneRepublic. The chorus says:

Lost till you're found
Swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love till you hate
Strong till you break
Know that we all fall down

Yes, we ALL fall down. Even me. People are not perfect. I am not perfect. We're only human. (Which makes me think of another song haha: Human by Jon McLaughlin...)

So please Lord... help my calm, rational self not get upset when people mess up. Help me to not get emotional. Help me to forgive in the same way You forgive. Amen.

Yesterday I went to the orientation for transfer students at Virginia Tech. The students who were leading the orientation were very big on trying to get us fired up about being Hokies. They made sure we knew that a hokie was not just some old turkey, but that the true defintion of a hokie was a student ready to take their place representing Virginia Tech. Here are some of the thoughts that I scribbled down yesterday when I was waiting for my advisor to call my name (but trying not to act as if I was too eager haha).


"You have to flush the toilets manually??? Seriously?!?" That is what came to my mind upon my visit to a Squires bathroom. Apparently Virginia Western's tech-savvy facilities have spoiled me a tad bit. At Western, the bathrooms look like they belong in some upscale hotel, not a community college. Western will teach us "all we need to know to conquer the world"... except how to flush a toilet and turn on a faucet. Interesting.

Coming out of that same Squires bathroom stall, I ran into a girl I know from Western. I didn't even know she was going to VT too! It was amazing how many people I knew, even on a completely new campus! The smiles on familiar faces made the day a little less boring.

By far, the most exciting part of the day was getting my class schedule. I like most of my classes. The majority are introductory animal science classes, but I also have Organic Chemistry. That's the class that scares me-- O. Chem. I've heard over and over how killer hard this class is. A professor yesterday also mentioned that if I bomb (aka make anything below a B) O. Chem, my chances of getting into vet school are pretty much extinct. Great... no pressure, right??

Other than organic chemistry, I'm very excited about sitting in a desk learning about cows' digestive tracts all day. That sounds like fun to me! (Yeah I'm weird!) I'm totally stoked to actually be doing something related to my major for once. This is the reason I sat through English and Economics. This is the reason I am at Virginia Tech. This is my campus, my school, my home away from home.

What's a hokie? I am.

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in 6 months. And I've been meaning to get back to this poor blog, really i have, but it hasn't happened lately. But now I have a moment to sit here and type, so we'll type a blog post, ok?

I thought my life would be so calm and stress-free once the semester ended, but I was wrong. Very wrong. Working full-time, taking 2 summer classes, and trying to enjoy the summer like a normal teenager has turned out to be quite difficult. When that alarm clock goes off after having relatively little sleep for the 6th day in a row, it sucks. Majorly.


But you know what? This is the kind of hectic craziness that I thrive on. I hate when life's easy, so I make it more difficult, just to make it more of an adventure. Why come home and watch tv when you could go outside and weed a whole horse pasture? That way I become even more physically exhausted so work is even more of an adventure the next day. Then I come in from weeding... Ohhh it's 1am and my room's filthy. Let's clean it, even though I have to get up in just a few hours.

Yeah... ok, I think I've become a bit of a workaholic, but oh well. I'm young and spry, I can handle it.


Tonight. I did nothing. I sat on the couch and watched a movie with my sister. And now I sit here typing. Not typing an essay for some application... typing a blog post. Wow.

Tonight. I was in my most comfortable pajamas before 9 o clock. I sat in the dark living room with just one lamp on and played my piano, who has been awfully lonely lately. (The moment didn't last long, as my parents quickly told me I was playing too loudly. Way to kill my special enthusiastic joyful moment. Sheesh!)

At this moment. I have no desire to go do work of any kind. Tomorrow is Wednesday. I am not scheduled to work. And I am not covering someone else's shift. I am taking an honest to goodness day off and I plan to enjoy it! My morning alarms (yes, plural) will not be set at 5am. They will not be set at 7am. They will not even be set at 9am. My alarms will not be set at all and I am very excited!!!

Good night world. Wait... I don't have to go to bed yet! I can stay up as late as I want since I can sleep in tomorrow! Muahaha. :)